Okay, not really, but I liked that title for the post. I just got back from the Barenaked Ladies concert at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium. Until this show, I’d never been to that venue, and I really liked it. The sound was great, the capacity is only 3000, and we had tenth row seats. How fucking awesome is that?

The Leevees opened for BNL, and they rocked. I was kind of bummed no one knew their tunes, but then again, they do have a potentially limited audience, considering their whole album is Hanukkah songs. It was really funny when they were introducing their song Goyim Friends and said “if you don’t know what Goyim means, you probably are one.” My friend and I were busting up.

Anyway, they only played for thirty minutes, and I was a little disappointed until….after their set they were signing autographs (I bought a Leevees t-shirt and got it signed, does that make me a dork?) and they announced they’re playing a full show at the Knitting Factory (a great venue, and where my cousin’s band played) this Thursday. It’s literally down the street from me and I am dying to go. Anyone want to go with? You can see five nice Jewish boys sing super funny Hanukkah songs. Any takers? Annabel Lee? It could be another adventure…

Back to the show. After The Leevees finished their Hanukkah set, a children’s choir from OC came on stage and sang both Christmas and Hanukkah songs. There was something a little weird about seeing a few dozen blond haired, blue eyed kids all dressed in red singing Hanukkah songs. Or maybe it’s just me.

Following the children’s choir, BNL began their two-hour-long set and it was awesome. They are definitely now one of my all-time favorite bands to see live. They just have this amazing stage presence and truly look like they’re having a great time playing. In addition to their regular album songs (and a song from their upcoming album), they did a bunch of Christmas and Hanukkah songs from their holiday album, which i really enjoyed, especially when Steve was singing the prayers over the Hanukkah candles. Is he Jewish? He did a great job. My favorite song of the night was If I Had $1000000 because it was obvious they were having fun with it and the audience was totally into it as well.

That’s as detailed as this recap is gonna get because I am beyond exhausted and I need to get some rest so I can make sure I have my voice back tomorrow in time for Speeddating. Yeah, Speeddating. Details to follow the event tomorrow night.

Also, I have some pics from the show on my new cellphone (shhh!), but I have no clue how to transfer them to the computer. I have a Razr phone (and a bluetooth, I heard that helps with the transfer)–anyone know how?

Q. Have you bought your tree yet?
A. I don’t celebrate Christmas, I’m Jewish.

Q. But why don’t you have a tree? It’s a Pagan thing, not a religious thing.
A. Do you have a Menorah and light Hanukkah candles?

Q. What do you do on Christmas Eve?
A. Either a) Go to Stu and Lew; b) Go to a Jewish comedy thing at a Chinese restaurant [and meet a goy comic]; c) Go to my parents’ house for the weekend; or d) Stay home, watch all the Law & Order episodes saved on my Tivo, and enjoy a very quiet Los Angeles.

Q. What do you do on Christmas Day?
A. Either a) Go to or rent a movie; b) Go for Chinese food; c) Go to or rent a movie and go for Chinese food; d) Go to and rent a movie and go for Chinese food; or e) Any combination of a through d after helping serve Christmas dinner at a shelter/senior center/etc.

Q. Are you Scrooge?
A. Only when I’m forced to listen to Christmas music in a store/restaurant/public place and am wished a Merry Christmas for the 100th time. [ed. note: Please, please, please, wish people Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Please.]

Q. Have you ever decorated a Christmas tree?
A. Yes, in fifth grade at Marian’s house–we even strung popcorn and put it on the tree. And earlier this week, at my office.

Q. Have you finished your Christmas shopping?
A. I don’t celebrate Christmas, remember?

Q. You mean you don’t get gifts on Christmas?
A. Um, do you get gifts on Hanukkah? [ed. note: Why is this one so difficult for some people to comprehend?]

I believe that covers the basics. Check back in the spring for FAQ: Matzah and the Easter Bunny.

Let me preface this by saying I hate the Rite-Aid in my neighborhood, and only went to it because a) I was hoping to avoid the parking structure and super slow elevator at the West Hollywood Sav-on and b) it’s right by my apartment. I went in for three items: night-light bulbs, cough suppressant so I can sleep tonight (I have a horrible cough), and Hanukkah wrapping paper. Should have been easy, right?

Me: Hi. I’ve walked around the entire store but seem to have missed the Hanukkah wrapping paper. Would you please show me where it is?
Sales Clerk: It might be in the back still. Which is kind of weird, because isn’t Hanukkah way before Christmas?
Me: Sometimes. Not this year though.
Sales Clerk: Oh. Let me ask someone. (Talks to another clerk.) Yeah, we don’t have any. All of our holiday stuff is out.
Me: You don’t have any Hanukkah stuff?
Sales Clerk: No. Sorry.
Me: Okay, thanks. May I speak to your manager?
Sales Clerk: Sure.

(Manager comes over and I explain to him I couldn’t find any Hanukkah stuff.)

Manager: Yeah, it was probably discontinued.
Me: What was discontinued?
Manager: Hanukkah.
Me: Hanukkah wasn’t discontinued.
Manager: Well, Hanukkah wrapping paper.
Me: Um, yeah, I don’t think Hanukkah wrapping paper was discontinued. I mean, it’s a holiday. [ed. note: What the hell?]
Manager: We didn’t get any then. All of our holiday stuff is out. Some of our stores get different merchandise though, so maybe it’s not a popular enough item at this store.
Me: You guys are on Fairfax.
Manager: (Blank stare.)
Me: There’s a ton of Jews around here. They need Hanukkah wrapping paper.
Manager: Yeah, sorry.

As funny as this conversation is, it’s also really sad. And frustrating. Come on, it’s 2005. It shouldn’t be so difficult to find Hanukkah wrapping paper at a huge drug store in Los Angeles. Give me a break.

Guess who should be expecting a letter from yours truly?

Yom Kippur went like this: Wednesday night had a super early dinner (after dinner the fast begins) at a family friend’s house then went straight to synagogue. Thursday morning went to synagogue, came home and napped for an hour or so, then went back to synagogue. Following Havdalah, we went to another family friend’s house to break the fast.

Yom Kippur Firsts

• Getting to shul on time, and not just for Kol Nidre.
• Always getting seats in the pews rather than the extra chairs in the back.
• Almost getting hit on the head by a falling machzor.
• Not arriving in the middle of the Torah reading, but before the Torah service even began. [ed. note: Maybe my mom's aliyah had something to do with our timely manner?]
• Realizing that some of us who volunteered our time (as teenagers) babysitting and leading children’s services are now sending our kids to babysitting and children’s services. [ed. note: Obviously, I'm not included in that some.]
• Being early for Yizkor. [ed. note: Both of my parents had an aliyah for this one.]
• Not having my sister home with us.
• Having a rebbetzin who shows cleavage. That’s just weird in so many ways.
• Closing my eyes and taking in Avinu Malkenu and really being blown away by the sounds of an entire congregation.

Whispered Conversations Between Neilah and Havdalah Services
Keep in mind, I’m hungry, tired, and have a major caffeine headache.

Mom: You’re right, there’s no way that really cute guy in the [tight black] t-shirt and plaid talit is straight.

—Dad: Mom and I went for sushi last week and I got soup and that cucumber salad you always get.—Mom: What will you eat at the break the fast? [ed. note: Keep in mind, we've been going to the same person's house, with the same type of food, for the past 20 years.] You don’t like kugel.
Me: Um, they always have bagels and cream cheese and salad.
Mom: But you won’t have any protein.
Me: Mom, I’m hungry and right about now, I’ll eat anything.
—Mom: Looking around I noticed that most of the men are the same height as the women then every now and then there’s one guy towering over the rest. —Dad: I talked to Mike, and he got his family Tamiflu too. There was an article about the Bird Flu in the New England Journal of Medicine.—Dad: I’ve been trying to find a guy for you.
Me: I’m tired and dizzy and have bad breath. Now is not the time to find me a man.

And that my friends, is part of what happens the last half hour of Yom Kippur services.

As a kid, going to shul meant attending children’s services, eating apples and honey, and listening to the shofar.

As a post Bat Mitzvah, it meant “assisting” with children’s services. (When assisting = talking with friends.)

As a high schooler, it meant sneaking away from the sanctuary to talk with friends.

As a college student, it meant coming back home for a few days and catching up with friends who went away to other schools.

As a recent college grad, it meant discussing first jobs, new apartments, and new friends.

And now? It’s seeing women younger than myself with husbands and children. It’s finding out who’s pregnant, who’s recently married, and who’s already gotten divorced. It’s convincing my parents that just because the tall guy sitting with his family in the row in front of us doesn’t have a ring on, doesn’t mean I’m game for a shidduch. And finally, it’s telling my parents that there’s a cute guy sitting in the back with his parents only to find out he’s, um, maybe 25 year-years-old. Oops.

Shana tova!

While flipping through the July issue of Marie Claire, I came across a blurb about a book titled Boy Vey! The Shiksa’s Guide to Dating Jewish Men, written by one of the magazine’s own writers. The description reads:

If you’re a single non-Jew looking for a hot Hebrew, this is the guide for you! But even if you’re married to a Protestant and don’t know a schmuck from a schmutz*, you should check it out. Hilarious and irreverent, Marie Claire writer Kristina Grish’s ode to nice Jewish boys will give you an edge over other shiksas.

Oy.

*It’s not a schmutz, it’s schmutz. e.g., You have schmutz on your face.

Seder Leader: …Joseph became viceroy of Egypt. Does anyone know what a viceroy is?

My sister: It’s a nice hotel in LA.

I’m down in San Diego for Passover. Chag Sameach to my fellow Jews and have a great weekend to everyone. [Ed. Note: Just to clarify some things in the Superjux parents' household--I learned about the yellow Coca-Cola caps from my dad many years ago. Dad wanted me to let everyone know that, and also inform my readers that after Passover, the old recipe Coke goes on sale. That's when he stocks up, and you may want to as well.] Now go help the little kids find the afikoman.

Some recent strange searches that landed people here:

• jewish men bad in bed
• why are jewish men so good in bed?
• jdate gay
• i hate jewish guys
• rent house jewish los angeles
• best diamonds from the jewish guy in new jersey
• jewish swingers los angeles
• are the gastineau girls jewish?
• jessica simpson bar mitzvah
• how to get a jewish guy to marry you if you re not a jew
• bald jewish men
• jewish guy asian girl

What the hell are some of you smoking?

Tentative Jdate Guy–surprise surprise–cancelled our Wednesday date. We have now rescheduled and upgraded to a nighttime date a week from Saturday. Three strikes and he’s out. This is quite reminiscent of Broken Nose Guy. Remember him?

In other dating news, there’s rumor of a set-up care of my desperately-wanting-grandchildren-parents. Their friend wants to set me up with the son of her friends. He’s supposedly mid-thirties and an attorney. The problem? My parents’ friend has never met her friends’ son. The last time my parents tried to set me up with someone they never met, we had to generate rules for giving out my phone number. Then there was the time my coworker’s wife tried to set me up with the son of a couple they randomly met while out on a Saturday night.

And, believe it or not, there is another set-up in progress. He seems really nice and has a great outgoing message on his voicemail, but…there’s a always a but, isn’t there…although he is technically Jewish, he and I don’t agree on some major things. It’s a long story and I don’t want to get into it, so more details of this setup may or may not be shared. Hey, it’s my blog. I share what I want to share. I will tell you we’re going for coffee next week.

I’m putting my profile back up on Jdate. Perhaps I’ll use my tomato money to buy myself a subscription so I can share the funny emails with my readers.

In Passover news, if you like the original Coca-Cola (with sugar rather than corn syrup), now’s the time to pick some up. The bottles have yellow caps and are usually with the Passover foods. And, if you go to Ralphs, they’ll even bag your groceries in white and blue Happy Passover bags. Who knew?

In other Passover related stuff, check out Seda Club with 50 Cent (via Esther via Jewlicious).

And if you’re looking for another good Passover dessert, here’s a recipe for a flourless chocolate cake.

Last night I was flipping through the new issue of Marie Claire magazine (page 117) and much to my surprise, came across an article mentioning both Jdate and Friday Night Live (FNL).

Jdate, as most of you know, is the online dating site catered to Jewish singles. Friday Night Live is a guitar-filled (am I the only one that finds a guitar on the bimah weird?) Friday night Shabbat service at a local Los Angeles synagogue geared toward Jewish young adults. At FNL, you are pretty much guaranteed to run into at least one person you have dated and get hit on by a guy 20 years your senior.

But anyway. I thought it was cool that both Jdate and FNL got a mention. Here’s to meeting nice Jewish boys (or girls). p.s. Anyone going to the ATID Purim party at the Peterson?

Like all good Jews, my family is spending Christmas the traditional Jewish way–by going to the movies then eating Chinese food. We’re going to see Meet The Fockers then hitting a local Chinese place for dinner. Christmas Eve was spent stuffing ourselves at Kemo Sabe in Hillcrest. One word–yum.

—To all of you celebrating a certain holiday today, Merry Christmas! To those of you not celebrating that certain holiday today, I hope you enjoyed your Chinese food. What movie did you see?—And in completely unrelated to any winter holiday news, SpeedDating Guy and I have been emailing again. He’d like to get together when he’s rid of the horrible cold/flu going around. Think I should give him another go?

Broken Nose Guy informed me he may finally have (for reasons unknown) time to meet up sometime in late in January. Yeah, whatever.

Never had another date with the nice guy I reconnected and had dinner with a few weeks ago. Yes, I am disappointed.

And lastly, a potential new Jdate guy. We’ve exchanged a number of emails and he sounds really nice. He’s a comic. Go figure.

Dear KROQ,

Thanks for thinking of us Jews and playing Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah song. However, Hanukkah ended a week ago.

Sincerely,

Hilary

In other words, I’m a sucker and paid for Jdate. I had seven messages waiting to be read and curiosity got the better of me.

So, as predicted, here’s an excerpt from another humorous e-mail. This one was ten (10!) paragraphs long and written by a man in Senegal. It begins:

Hello out there i have freely admit that what I am after is simple, And which I strongly believe is real Love!!!!

If you would like a man who is 28,5′6 feet. avarage, and staying in DakarSenegal, And who is an professional footballer, well here I am. And if would’nt mine take it from me you looks cool in your photo, Well as for what I want, think is simple, I am looking for someone who can pull my creativity out and stretch it like taffy between her fingers and knead it with her belief in me so that it grows and becomes strong and good.

He continues on to say:

I don’t want to be taken for granted, I certainly will never do that with her. someone who will love me and allow me to love her in return. Someone to look at me the way my mother looks at my father,even after 60years together. Someone I will agonize for MONTHS over getting “just the right” Christmas present.

Whoa, back up for a second. Christmas present? Isn’t this Jdate?

That’s all for today. Sadly, there’s more where that came from so stay tuned.

Now please excuse me as I respond to the two sane sounding men that wrote to me.

I’ve often wondered what it would be like to not have to make an effort to be Jewish. To not have to explain to teachers and co-workers that yes, although Rosh Hashana is the Jewish new year, I’m not out partying it up as we do on the secular new year. To not have to use vacation days to be with my family for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. To not have to explain why I don’t eat bread, etc. during Passover. To not go into detail about why Hanukkah is a different date every year on the secular calendar. To not have make my case for not having a Christmas tree. To go into a store in December and not be wished a Merry Christmas.

Well, today I experienced that feeling to a tiny degree, if only for a brief moment, and it was amazing. I went to a bakery on Fairfax to pick up sufganiyot (jelly donuts eaten during Hanukkah) to share with my coworkers. I walked in, asked for six sufganiyot, was told “they are small, I’ll give you eight,” then was wished a Happy Hanukkah. What a feeling.

I lit mine:

Happy Hanukkah!

Q: How’s your Christmas shopping going?
A: I don’t celebrate Christmas, I’m Jewish.

Q: Have you bought your tree yet?
A: Nope. I don’t celebrate Christmas.

Q: But you can still have a tree. It’s not a religious symbol. It’s Pagan.
A: It’s a Christmas thing. I don’t celebrate Christmas.

Q: Are you going home for Christmas?
A: Well, I’m going down to my parents’ house, but not to celebrate Christmas. Since I have the day off of work, I’ll go visit my family. We usually have Chinese food and see a movie on Christmas Day, like all good Jews do.

Q: You mean you don’t have a big Christmas dinner with ham or turkey?
A: That would be correct as I don’t celebrate Christmas. Chinese food. Every year. I’m Jewish.

Q: Merry Christmas!
A: I don’t celebrate Christmas. I’m Jewish, remember?

Anyone notice a theme here?

I heard Christmas Wrapping* on KROQ five or six years ago and now every year at this time I have to listen to it. Here’s the lyrics should you wish to follow along.

*Feel free to right-click and save the file.

Like there’s anything else for a Jew to do on Christmas besides a movie and Chinese food. Now, about Christmas Eve. For a couple of years, I went to the Stu and Lew party, also known as Recycled Date Party due to the fact my friends and I would always bump into guys we’ve dated there. Last year, a friend and I went to a comedy night/Chinese food thing that wasn’t quite what we expected. (That’s where I met Goy Comic, remember?)

Anyone know of any fun things to do this year?

Just got back from a coffee-night-get-together-thing on the Westside organized by a Jewish young professionals type group that I was active with a few years ago. They are going through a reorganization of sorts and this was one of their first events in a couple of years. It was great to see some familiar faces and catch up with everyone–I am looking forward to attending more of their functions and meeting new people. On a side note, had a slight reality check at the coffee shop when we heard there were a couple of plain clothed security guards watching over us. Such a sad sign of the times.

A friend of mine from my bookclub moved to Jerusalem last month. After the suicide bombing there a couple weeks ago, I thought of her and shot off an email. I haven’t heard from her, and although I’m sure she’s fine, it has brought the suicide bombings in Israel so much closer to home.

Then, just yesterday, my mom received an email from my aunt and uncle who are vacationing in Paris for a while. My aunt wrote the following:

…I did not go to shul here as I am too concerned about the possibility of some kind of attack…but thank god nothing has happened…..I just hope that things never get like this in the U.S….where one has to be fearful for one’s safety when going to synagogue. So I lit my Yerzheit candle and fasted…

How scary and sad is that?

I’m heading down to San Diego tomorrow to be with my parents for Yom Kippur. It’s going to be a little weird–this is the first holiday with my sister living in New York and all four of us not together. Since she’ll be with her New York Jewish family (her friend’s family) I’m sure she’ll be fine, but it won’t be the same. So, to my sister the rest of my fellow Heebs, shana tova and have an easy fast.

The headline in the most recent AP article about Dodger Shawn Green’s decision to play on Yom Kippur reads: Faith or baseball: Green must decide. As many of you know, Yom Kippur begins this Friday at sunset and ends Saturday at sunset, which means Green would miss two games during the holiday. Regarding his upcoming decision, Green said, “I’m not talking about it yet. I don’t want the media making a big deal out of it.” That statement makes me wonder if he is postponing his announcement because he is planning on playing and doesn’t want to upset the Jewish community that has made him into a massive role model for Jewish children.

Green’s accomplishments in baseball and the time and money he donates to various charities no doubt makes him a good role model. But a Jewish role model? He didn’t attend Hebrew school. He didn’t become a Bar Mitzvah. He currently doesn’t attend services and he has no synagogue affiliation. His wife is not Jewish. He is active in the Jewish community only in the sense that he is a poster boy for the community. Jewish organizations saw him as a way to attract attention to their groups. And it worked. Please don’t get me wrong–I’m not condemning him for any of this–I believe each person has the right to “be as Jewish” as they want. One’s level of observance is a personal decision and is definitely not one size fits all. I’m just questioning his label as a Jewish role model.

This poster boy status leads me to ask, does lending your name to an organization or community make you an active member of that community? And if Green does in fact decide not to play on Yom Kippur, would he be doing it for himself, or to save face with the Jewish community? Or does the reason behind his decision even matter?

May 5765 be a happy, healthy, and wonderful year for everyone.

And Bethany, if you’re reading this, go help mom roll cabbages.

What a Jewish mother fears when her youngest daughter moves across country, as explained via instant message with Mom.

Mom: saw xxxx xxxxx (nice Jewish boy I tried to fix you up with) yesterday at xxxxx (local restaurant)
Mom: he told us a scary story
Me: about
Mom: he was moving to NY (from Detroit) and had a moving truck
Me: i thought he lives in sd
Mom: he had sublet an apt and when he got there the mgr of the bldg would NOT let him move in
Mom: 4-ish years ago
Mom: becuz the lessee did NOT have permission to sublet the apt!!!!!
Mom: he actually had to find another apt!!
Me: yeah it’s illegal
Mom: i just wrote xxxxxxx (my sister) the story
Mom: she is seeing an apt that sounds great
Mom: upper east side, 650sq ft, 1 bedroom $1900 a month for 3 months
Mom: but person wants all 3 months in advance with one month security along with it. $7600 all at once!!!!!!!!!!
Mom: i have visions!!
Me: visions?
Me: of
Mom: that happening and the girls being out $3800 per

So, if any of you out there in NY know of a sublet my sister and her friend could rent, please let me know. Think of it as a mitzvah. You’d be making a Jewish mother very happy.

I finally got around to reading the current issue of Real Simple magazine and I’m glad I did! On the back cover is a clever Absolut ad that reads Absolut Tchotchke. Love it!

So I got into Del Mar Saturday afternoon and what have I done? Yesterday, I hung out at my dad’s office (he’s an optometrist), then went with my family for sushi, then came home and watched TV. Today, had lunch with a friend, her husband, and their adorable son. Came home and spent the rest of the day baking Passover desserts. Now we’re ordering in Oscars for dinner. Yum! Sounds terribly exciting doesn’t it? I know you’re jealous. Anyway, tomorrow is the first Seder and although I can’t vouch for the main course, I can confidently say dessert will be delish.

Oh–since I know many of you are disappointed with my lack of blog updates, I figured why not direct you to someone else’s blog–he’s a wonderful writer and always has great posts. So please, check out Words For My Enjoyment and tell Pauly I say hi.

Jewsweek has a great article about Adam Mesh (including his thoughts on dating). Worth a read.

I found this recipe (don’t know where I got it, but I would love to give props to the appropriate person) for a flourless chocolate cake last year and made it for my mom’s birthday (which was during Passover). It was surprisingly good, and I will be making it again this year. The recipe calls for whipped cream and raspberries to top it, but we did a slight variation–ate the cake warm with ice cream and hot fudge…how can you go wrong? I think this year I may try a chocolate or raspberry glaze for the top, we shall see. Here it is:

Flourless Chocolate Cake
2 cups chocolate chips
3/4 cup unsalted butter or margarine
7 large eggs, separated
2/3 cup sugar, divided
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 cups sweetened whipped cream or whipped cream substitute (optional)
1 pint raspberries (optional)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Grease a 9 inch springform pan and line with parchment paper. Heavily grease the parchment paper.

Melt the chocolate and butter together in a medium heavy saucepan over medium heat, stirring occasionally.

Remove from heat and cool to room temperature, stirring occasionally. Beat the egg yolks and 1/3 cup sugar in a large bowl for three minutes, or until the mixture thickens and turns a pale yellow.

Fold the chocolate mixture and vanilla into the egg yolk mixture and set aside. Using very clean beaters and a clean bowl, beat the egg whites until soft peaks form. Add the remaining 1/3 cup sugar and beat until medium-stiff peaks form.

Carefully fold the egg whites into the chocolate mixture a quarter at a time, until all of the egg whites have been added and the batter is uniform in color. Do not overmix.

Spoon the batter into the prepared pan and smooth evenly. Bake for 50-55 minutes, or until a cake tester comes out with moist crumbs rather than batter.

Cool the cake thoroughly in the pan (the cake will fall dramatically).

Remove the cake from the springform pan and place on a serving plate.

Refrigerate for at least 3 hours.

Beat the heavy cream with the sugar and then spoon into the center of the cake. Top with the raspberries and refrigerate for up to 12 hours, or serve immediately.

Makes 12 servings.

It’s bad enough that I have to use two vacation days to go down to San Diego to be with my family during Passover, but to make it worse, the first seder also falls on the same day as the Dodgers home opener and the season finale of Average Joe 3. Lame.

Two words: Marshmallow Peeps. My favorite Peeps are the pink chicks (yes, I am aware that sounds strange). They’re especially good if you rip open the plastic and let them sit for a couple of days. Don’t ask me why, but that’s how my parents always ate them and that’s how I eat them. They aren’t as mushy and taste really good! They are also quite delicious if you put them in the microwave for about 30 seconds–they get a little gooey.

Mom: What time is your doctor’s appointment tomorrow?
Me: 9:30.
Mom: Oh. 9:30?
Me: Yes, 9:30.
Mom: Where is this doctor?
Me: Cedars.
Mom: At Cedars?
Me: Yes, in the towers at Cedars.
Mom: You mean he’s part of Cedars?
Me: What do you mean part of Cedars?
Mom: His office is actually at Cedars?
Me: Um, yeah, I said he’s at Cedars.
Mom: But he’s actually at Cedars? I mean his office is there? In the hospital?
Me: No, he’s in the towers, remember?
Mom: Yeah, I understand. But here a doctor could be at Scripps but have an office somewhere else.
Me: Oh. Huh?
Mom: The doctor could have privileges at Scripps, but his office is elsewhere.
Me: Ah.
Mom: Where does your doctor have privileges?
Me: Um, Cedars?
Mom: Anywhere else?
Me: Mom, I don’t know. I’ll ask the doctor and let you know tomorrow.

A few weeks ago, I was asked by a friend at work to go to Friday night services with her and her family. Not usually (ok, never) my favorite Friday night activity, I begrudgingly accepted her invitation. And believe it or not, I actually did have a nice time. It kinda brought me back to when I was a kid spending Friday nights before my bat mitzvah at synagogue with my family.

According to Fox News, Debbie Rowe, the mother of Michael Jackson’s oldest children (Paris and Prince), is Jewish. That of course would mean the kids are Jewish as well. Who knew?

So I braved the rain and went to “Ha Ha Hanukkah” (Chinese food and Jewish comics on Christmas Eve) out in the Valley tonight. It was fun, but the crowd was a wee bit older than what we expected (read: my friend and I were the only two people there without current AARP cards). I’m a little confused and not quite sure what happened–we were under the impression it was going to be young people, not bubbes and zadies! Anyway, there were a bunch of comics, the majority of them Jewish men. Their sets were fun, albeit a little edited and toned down because of the surprise average age of the audience. One comic caught my eye (and apparently I caught his) and a phone number was asked for and given. Of course, as luck would have it, he’s the one non-Jew of the bunch. Leave it to me to go to a Jewish comedy night and meet a goy. Mom’s gonna love that one.

It’s official. I hate Christmas. I hate Jingle Bells and Silent Night. I hate hearing Santa “Ho, Ho Ho.” As if being surrounded by Christmas stuff everywhere I look isn’t enough, my office had a half day “holiday party” today for employees and their families, complete with Santa. In other words, there were a zillion little kids running around high on sugar waiting to sit on Santa’s lap. All I can say is, I am so happy Christmas is tomorrow. And by the way, I do think there should be a law stating that Christmas lights and decorations must be taken down by the new year. Thank you, and Merry Christmas.

In case you landed here searching for info on Hanukkah, it started last Friday, which would make tonight the sixth night.

Like many Jewish women, I too, was born with a Jewfro. I guess it was inevitable–my parents both have wavy/curly hair so my sister and I were bound to have the same. By some freak of nature, my sister managed to end up with stick straight hair while I got the curly. Life isn’t fair, I know. So until my early twenties, I suffered, not knowing how to care for my curls and avoiding the rain. Then, I was introduced to the Hot Tools straightening iron, a product that has forever changed how I do my hair. Not only does it make my hair straight as can be, it also looks so shiny. And I love having the option of doing my hair straight or curly.

OK, now that I’ve gone off on a tangent, let me get to the original purpose of this post–to share a funny article written by a fellow Jewfro-ee.

HAPPY HANUKKAH!

Since many of you landed here searching for “when does Hanukkah start?” I thought I’d provide you with the opportunity to impress your Jewish friends by learning more about the holiday Adam Sandler sings about. Check out these links to read why we eat latkes on Hanukkah.

If you really don’t care and just want the date–This year, Hanukkah begins at sunset on December 19 (the twenty-fifth day of the Jewish month of Kislev). And yes, I am accepting gifts.

Great article about The Hebrew Hammer. Don’t forget, it opens in limited release this Friday at the Laemmle Theatres!

Well, there’s always that huge party at the House of Blues. You know what I’m talking about, the one where you bump into every guy or girl you and your friends have already dated. My friends and I refer to those parties as “recycled date parties.” You get the idea. So, instead, this year we will be going to “Ha Ha Hanukkah”–dinner and Jewish comics at a Chinese restaurant in Encino. Yeah, I know, it’s way out in the Valley, but it does sound like fun! Don’t ya think?

It’s official. The next person to ask how my Christmas shopping is going gets smacked. Sorry, a little overreaction, I know. I’m just tired of repeating “Actually, I don’t celebrate Christmas. But I have bought some Hanukkah gifts.” People seem to feel so bad for asking me about my shopping when they realize I don’t celebrate Christmas. I understand. I’m not offended. I’m used to it. But I’m still annoyed by it!

Lesson learned for today–Instead of asking how the Christmas shopping is going, ask how the holiday shopping is going.

Superfluous Poll–How do YOU answer when asked that question? Please post your responses.

Happy Holidays!

In the market for a Yenta or Madonna’s not Jewish. But I am. t-shirt? What about a great miracle happened here panties? Then look no further!

For those of you searching for The Hebrew Hammer’s air date, here ya go. Straight from Comedy Central’s website:

The Hebrew Hammer- World Premiere Monday, December 8th at 9PM

Encore presentations air Tuesday, December 9th at 3 PM, Friday, December 12th at 1 AM, Saturday, December 13th at 11 AM, Sunday, December 14th at 7:30 AM & 7:30 PM.

I saw a screening of this film a couple of months ago, and it’s hysterical!

Unlike most people, I hate the month of December. Here are my top five reasons why:

I hate being wished a “Merry Christmas.”

I hate being asked what I am doing for Christmas (Chinese food and a movie, duh).

I hate being asked if I’ve bought a tree yet.

I hate Christmas songs on the radio.

I hate being asked if I’ve finished my shopping yet.

Where does this dislike for December stem from you ask? I’m Jewish, and unlike the majority of America, I don’t celebrate Christmas. Fortunately, I’m not suffering through December alone.

Want to relive those years on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit? Then check out Bar Mitzvah Disco. It has pictures, t-shirts, candlelighting speeches and more, from real Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. I swear I saw someone else wearing my Bat Mitzvah dress!

Yes, I celebrate Thanksgiving even though I’m Jewish. I can’t believe how many times I’ve said that this week. Thanksgiving is an American holiday, not a religious one. On the other hand–Christmas, nope, don’t celebrate that one. No, don’t have a tree. No, don’t go to church. No, never believed in Santa.

But yes, I will be eating turkey tomorrow, thanks for asking.

We’re closing in on Yom Kippur, and I’m ready to atone! Fortunately for us Jews, we throw bread crumbs in the ocean, spend some time in synagogue, and fast for 24 hours and God forgives us for any sins we may have commited this year. Can it get any easier? So, in my annual “please forgive me” campaign:
I am sorry if I second-guessed you. If I forgot to say please or thank you. If a gesture went under-appreciated. If I stretched the truth a little. And lastly, if I hurt, offended, or wronged you in any way.
Shana Tovah!