“If I go into meeting someone unenthusiastic and expecting the worst, people tell me I need to have a better attitude. If I go into meeting someone enthusiastic and expecting good things, I end up disappointed.”

As part of the crowd suggesting that you be open-minded, I’m sorry. You’re right — it’s hard to change your mindset about a person that you’ve spoken with, and we haven’t.

As for the latter, yeah, that disappointment is hard to stomach.

I don’t know the answers. It’s all really hard.

My middle name? Ilana. No special meaning that I know of, but I always wanted it to be Alana instead of Ilana. Pre-marriage, my initials would have been DAP instead of DIP. Now I’m DIM instead of DAM.

Enjoy your weekend!!!!!

Hilary, I think where you’re running into trouble with the attitude is the expectations. Don’t go in expecting the worst, and don’t go in expecting good things. It’s not about high expectations or low expectations…Go into it with an enthusiastic attitude, but with NO expectations beyond having a nice evening (or lunch or whatever it might be.) If you approach a date pessimistically, you doom yourself to a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you have one good date with a guy and start spinning fairytales in your head, and pinning all your hopes on it, and expecting all sorts of happy endings…you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed. Just take it one day (and one date) at a time. Until you’ve met his friends, or he’s introduced you as his girlfriend, or you’ve had the talk about being exclusive, or you’ve been dating for a month or so - in other words, until you have some real evidence that HE sees it as more than just a few dates - don’t expect anything other than a fun time when you see him. Fill your life with other things. Don’t wait by the phone or computer.

The book “Date like a man” might be an interesting read for you.

“So I get the feeling you’re not interested in hanging out again. Care to confirm or deny?”

I LOVE that line, asking the question in such a non confrontational way. The use of hanging out is perfect! Keep us posted as to his response.

And about the attitude, I agree with Ella but it is very hard not to imagine the short term future after a couple of good dates. But, she is right, just go into every date with the hope that you will have a fun evening, and if you do, than your expectations are met.

Exactly what Ella said. You have to go in with an upbeat, positive attitude with no expectations.

As far as the 26 year old, he’s totally looking to get laid, and he just thinks a woman in her 30s is dying for it. I used to think like that too when I was 26. He’ll learn the truth eventually…like we all do.

Ella, I think your idea is good in theory, but after two dates I think it’s natural and normal to begin to like someone and begin to develop feelings toward them.

Lynn. No special meaning, I think I’m just one of thousands of Jenifer Lynn’s out in the world.

Thomas, the middle name of my father and my grandfather.

Boys tend to suck less if you share your brownies with them. Just a thought.

Dann, sadly, he doesn’t eat sweets. (I know, that should have been a hint right there…)

I always try not to have expectations, but it is easier said than done. Half the fun is having expectations that are met or even better yet, exceeded.

My middle name is Beth. Molly Beth is the Irish nickname for Mary Elizabeth. No special meaning, my name was actual Sara Michael for a week, then my parents decided I didn’t look like a Sara and changed it.

I’m not going to give you boy advice, because I have none. I’m sorry about FG. But going on a food shopping date with NJM? Hil - come on! Cancel that. Save yourself. Also, why are you suggesting date options? Isn’t that his job? Oh wait, I said I wasn’t going to give you boy advice. Maybe opinions like that are the reason I’m still single.

My middle name is Ann. No special meaning other than that A was for Abraham (the most recent relative to die before I was born, or whatever that Jewish rule is.)

Did you just add that coffee/ice cream part or did I totally space out on that when I first read this?

Either way, uh, well… I can understand not drinking coffee (although I pity them) but not liking ice cream? Oh, this dude is NEVER going to win us over!

Lori, have no fear. I will not be going food shopping with him. Regarding the suggestions, the guy doesn’t talk (maybe he’s bad on the phone, blah blah) and I was trying to come up with quick and painless meetup options. And because of this whole stupid set up thing, I have to go. My mom owes me big time.

Dawn, I added it (hence the asterisk that I suppose I should have explained). Asterisk = updated. My bad!

I don’t eat ice cream (allergic) and I don’t drink coffee (too harsh on my stomach) but i could find something to consume in either situation so i think NJM is maybe… difficult.

NJM might be really bad on the phone and not good at making quick decisions…I am very much like that. Also I will be like 3 minutes away so I will text you and if it’s that bad you can just leave!!!!Anyways, my middle name is Parker(which I love) and is my mom’s maiden name.

Okay, I beleive you should Go Out With NJM, but seriously, there Are Lots Of Non-Coffee Things to be had at A Starbucks. Like Tea. And, um, Water. He seems As Not Into This as You, Hilary!

I felt The Earthquake, too! I didn’t know it was An Earhtquake until I read Your Post! I thought TAB had Kicked The Bed in his sleep and made some Crazy Rattle/Vibration Thing happen and I remember thinking, “Wow! How did he Do That? He has never done that Before! Maybe that was An Earthquake!” And it WAS! Cool.

Honestly, you need to incorporate the “Prick-Test” in your first dates. And NO, it’s not that kind of “Prick-Test.”

It’s where you ask the guy if you can prick his finger and take a sample of his blood. If he is willing to let you do that, he’s into you. If he refuses or questions it for one second, leave RIGHT THAT MINUTE. He’s not the guy for you.

Yes. You’re welcome.

My middle name is now my maiden name. Previously it was just an initial - L - because my name was already really long. My brother also only has a middle initial.

Pauly D.- If a girl asked me for a blood sample on the first date I’d leave…mid date regardless of my interest level. I’ve got nothing to hide, I just think it’s ridiculous.

Also, I used to go on dates just hoping she wouldn’t steal my wallet but it wasn’t until I upgraded my requirements to “should also be kind, attractive and not be seeing someone else” that I really enjoyed dating. If the person meets those three, you should give it a try.

Middle name is Kenneth, after my great uncle on my mothers side.

Pauly D:

That is one of the creepiest things I’ve heard in a while. I’m with Will– if anyone asked me that, short of my doctor, I’d get away from them ASAP.

I don’t have a middle name.

Meg - While you think the “asking for blood” thing is creepy, it isn’t as creepy as not having a middle name at all.

So, you know…potato potahto.

The Bus, darn that thing gets around.

Life is full of expectations and disappointment. It’s the hardest lesson for me. I always have high expectations and I’m super enthusiastic. I have had my expectations denied and my hope dashed so many times. If you don’t bounce back, then you’ve got a problem.

Be who you are - aim high - bounce back when it doesn’t work out.

(But I’m not sure what to tell you about NJM that won’t drink coffee or eat ice cream. Sounds like the guy who had no TV!)

Methinks Pauly D. made a funny.

Even if you don’t like coffee or ice cream you deal with it so you can meet someone. Supermarket? Really? Pathetic (for him, not you).

Love the confirm or deny email… I’m going to use that one.

Amen to all the commenters on the expectations thing. Easier said than done though!

Alissa.

Jami Alissa for Jenny and Abraham, my great grandparents who died before I was born.

Guys can be lame. Brownies are good. Make sure to enter the Bakespace brownie contest!

When I was dating I decided that if asked, I’d go and have fun. No expectations. Worked out for me and I had a blast! I also met some very nice men and then I met a good one. The one I dated for some time before the good one was difficult to talk with on the phone. I used to hang up asking myself, why, oh WHY do you keep answering the calls? I liked him well enough in person but after some time, I realized he wasn’t a very good communicator. Phone skills are important.

As for the middle name? I don’t have one. None of the women on my mother’s side for generations dating back to the Mayflower had middle names. When we marry, our maiden name becomes our middle name.

EB72– Same thing in my family. No women in my mother’s family have middle names for the very reason you cited. Not creepy, just practical and traditional.

Yeah, if he’s not into sweets…there’s something wrong. By the way, I got gipped in the middle name department. Both my brother and my sister have grandiose middle names: Marie-Louise and Jennings, respectively.

My middle name is Luella. My mother’s middle name is Luella. Her mother’s first name was Luella. My great-great aunt’s first name was Luella. And if I ever have a daughter, her middle name will be Luella. Kinda feels like a family thing, doesn’t it?

My dad’s middle name is actually just J. When he joined the Army and was filling out the forms, he was told that if you have only a middle initial, not a middle name, then you should put the initial followed by the word “only.” Yeah, the Army changed his middle name to “Jonly!”

I’m getting that not so fresh feeling about Mr. NJM. Completely off his rocker would be closer description if he finds it too difficult or really can’t decide on a venue to meet a NJF. That’s just getting perilously close to idiocy. So in other words, please do name your first kid after me…

Me, I share a middle name with a court martialed Army general, who was the only person ever to have a military aircraft named after him. Oh yeah, he predicted the attack on Pearl Harbor about 10 years before it happened. Naturally he died in NYC a broken and largely forgotten man (by most).

I love the ‘confirm or deny’ gambit. I used to abbreviate that by just sending out an ‘IFF’, but as the net developed, no one understood what the hell I was talking about. Which of course has always been a problem I imagine. Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’

I’ve been the sender and receiver of an “I’m really busy” email. Being the receiver made me reconsider being the sender but… eh, sometimes it’s just easier that way.

My middle name is Ruth. My grandma’s middle name in Hebrew was Ruchel and thus, Ruth, though I’m not sure why I wasn’t Sara Rachel. My sister’s Hebrew middle name is the Hebrew version of Sarah but is Susan in English, while my first name is Sara and my Hebrew first name is a name I can’t even try to write out in English letters. My parents were either confused or not at all concerned with coordinating our Hebrew/English names. Or both.

How can a guy not like ice cream, and well… coffee too. Maybe it will go better than you hope! *Happy Thoughts!*

Middle Name… Rae. Pretty original, although I was named after a grandfather - my moms dad that I never met. His name was Ray. That’s it!

Have a good weekend!

I’m the last person to give advice about dudes. I’m at the point where I have no inclination towards boys right now.

Middle name: Diane - it’s my mom’s middle name and the name she goes by. But my first name is after a Beatles song. Thanks Dad!

Chin up Hil! I think the cliche is true. When you’re not looking for it, it finds you.

What on earth kind of Jewish name is Parker?

What was it at Ellis Island, Parkerowitz?

Well, I can’t add much to your prospective date — he is really nervous on the phone (until you break the ice in a relationship) or he is a dud. Isn’t the mall a better place for a date than a supermarket? And yes, you can get all kinds of non-coffee drinks at a coffee shop, or at least some coffee shops.

You know what is the definition of a schmonk? A rabbi who lives in a monastery! Maybe he is like that.

I don’t have a middle name. My first name really is Ron (and not Ronald). Ron is Hebrew; Ronald is Germanic. I wasn’t named after anyone, because my parents (and especially my mother) didn’t want to use names that ran rampant in the family. The compromise was that my name had to be a Hebrew one, but also pronouncible in the English language.

Good luck, be well, and have a good weekend!

EB72 and Meg, my family too…We always joke that my folks were to poor to afford middle names for the girls!