i am addicted to jdate and I don’t know why. After so much jdate rejection (I guess I’m not convincing enough being the dynamic shiksa that I am), I’d found HIM. You know - the one.

It was complicated though, I mean how to get a jewish guy to marry you if you re not a jew? I knew that David loved me but ever since we met at the whole foods speed dating (in) sherman oaks, I’d be second guessing myself.

I’m so tired of thinking about all of this, I should be thinking about the gogo dancer auditions in las vegas and how I was going to explain to David that if he wasn’t willing to marry me, I was going to have to make some serious life decisions.

HA! Worst. Story. Ever.

I was driving down the road and there was a billboard of a(n) old guy driving a convertible. He looked like one of my jdate rejections. Yeah, I’m that sad. But, since I was distracted by the sign, I accidentally hit the car in front of me. Sheesh. “Don’t ruin your nice heels while driving”, I chided myself. There goes another pair of Jimmy Choos.

As I got out of my car to inspect the damage and to silently pray to the insurance gods, I realized that I hit Antonio Banderas. I immediately thought, “Does Antonio Banderas do a nasonex commericial?”

He was very nice and we exchanged insurance information. He could understand how I got distracted by the sign. I told him how I would love to dance and he said that he knew of some gogo dancer auditions in Vegas and that he could totally hook me up. Sweet! So, I may have higher insurance premiums but at least I’ll be shaking my tail feathers at the Mirage.

(Written without coffee)

I don’t have a story but the most frequent searches to my blog involve, donkeys and sex and the mentally disabled having sex. These searchers can not find much on the topics though.

It started out like most other roadtrips but, somewhere down the road it fell apart. I was on my way to gogo dancer auditions in Las Vegas. I thought I had remembered to pack everything. Realized I forgot my waterproof pasties. You are probably assuming I need them for my audition. However, I am talking about a yummy veggie packed pastry from the UK. I was starved so I needed to find something to eat. And quickly…

I found this nice little Chinese restaurant in Kingman ran by a nice Hispanic couple. While eating my chicken chow mein, I opened my cookie and read my fortune “don’t ruin your nice heels while driving.” Ha, the fortune gods missed that one. I had removed my heels and was wearing sandals made from old tires. The young, pretty waitress asked me if I knew how to get a Jewish guy to marry you if you’re not a Jew? I asked, “There are Jews in Kingman?!”

It was then I realized I was addictd to jdate and had to check my emails. However, internet access in Kingman is spotty at best….

I’ve been creative all day. I’m drained. I don’t have a story in me, but I want to know how it went today at your colposcopy… ?

Happily considering Tuesday’s scheduled colonoscopy, Jamie thought ‘don’t ruin your nice high heels while driving’ as she passed a highway sign advert promising ‘doorwall maintenance’. She pondered this as she passed another roadside billboard of a picture of a old guy driving a convertible, and strangely one for gogo dancer auditions in las vegas. She thought excitedly ‘Why am I am addicted to jdate’ and enduring jdate rejection, when with a couple of waterproof pasties, I can clean up in Vegas! She smiled at this, and made a mental note to cancel her whole foods speed dating deal in sherman oaks.

Cheers & Feel better, ‘VJ’

Dawn, thanks for asking! It went well, and didn’t really hurt more than a little unpleasant pinch. But now I’m all crampy…ick. He said everything looks good, and he’ll have the lab results back next week, but not to worry. I’m just glad it’s over.

Yup, don’t worry. Usually comes back as nothing or is extremely treatable. Been there, done that. Now, I was a wimp on the cramps and got a loratab hook up.

You know, I’ve never had a conversation with anyone under the age of 40 about a ‘routine’ colonoscopy. High colonic, yes. But I hope it comes out well Hilary. Hope you’re feeling better soon too. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’

And I’m sure that this morning your cramps are no more, right? Right! Good news that “everything looks good” and “not to worry” — YAY!!! Have a GREAT day today!

VJ, it wasn’t a colonoscopy…it was a colposcopy. Totally different!

I’d rather have a colposcopy ANY day, over a colonoscopy. I hope you get good results! I’ve never had one but I did have an endometrial biopsy once and I was crampy after.

Good luck!!

Your east coast reader

I was driving down the road on my way to the Go Go dancer auditions in Las Vegas. (I brought my waterproof pasties just in case I get a call-back!)

I made it as far as Cambria, California, (three-legged dog capital of the world) when I remembered the creedo I live by . . . don’t ruin your nice high heels while driving!

Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a picture of a old guy driving a convertible, but imagine the facial expressions for “ouch,” “wow,” “oops,” “yuck,” “mmm,” “shhh,” and “hmm,” etc. all rolled into one! That’s what I looked like when I turned on the radio and heard my true love’s voice. Does Antonio Banderas do a Nasonex commercial? Is that how you spell it? Nasonex

I’m going to ask my doctor if he thinks it’s Antonio. And while I’m at it, I’m going to ask him how much does it cost to get tonsils removed?”

More later, once I return from Vegas, baby.