Lest you and I have differing opinions on swearing like a sailor, I’ll just write:

SH*T!

Boys suck.

I’m curious…

Sorry Hilary. Don’t tell me this guy was a Bush supporter. I didn’t think there were any of those still around.

I’ve had diferences of opinions before, such as

…she thought it was ok to threaten to kill me and I disagreed.

…she thought it was ok to have a live in boyfriend in addition to seeing me, I also disagreed.

I have no such problems now, I’m lucky that way.

oh no!!! do you want me to hurt him? was it b/c of the cured meats?

Awww…bummer. I just had the same kind of thing. We were having a good time for 4 dates (2 1/2 weeks or so) and he just decided that he doesn’t see it going anywhere I was like–we barely know each other! We’re having fun, where does it have to go at that point?

Hopebroken is an awful feeling, but a terrific description of what it feels like. Seriously, I get how you feel. Or would get how you feel if I’d been out on a third date anytime in the last three years. OK. Four.

I thought the whole point of eHarmony — at least according to that Orville Redenbacher/Col. Sanders clone on the commercial — was to eliminate those people who one differs from in critical ways. Yet more deceptive advertising. Well, ever forward, H.

Barbara, exactly! However, when eHarmony can’t find any new matches for you, they apparently send you matches based on “flexible criteria.” Needless to say, Martini Guy was one of those. I learned this after the fact, of course.

OMG! That’s awful. I’m so sorry sweetie.

Does this have anything to do with the Messiah?

Aw…and I thought you were going to prove me wrong about eHarmony. Sorry, Hil.

What happened?!?!?!

Nwad/Nohua (I know you’re the same person), obviously it’s something I’d prefer to not broadcast on my blog. Please respect that.

I’m sorry to hear of it Hilary. That flexible criteria crap is greek for ‘I want my money back!’ I mean, why bother? But it’s a very inexact ’science’. We’ll warm up the bus for him, now that he’s got some excess time on his hands. Just give Bethany his grid locations with that GPS unit in his car. (I know, we’re not helping matters here). Cheers & Brighter moments to you, ‘VJ’

Hilarious, Barbara, on the “Orville Redenbacher/Col. Sanders” call. This is what prevents me from doing eHarmony.

Hilary, this blows. I totally know about hope-breaking. But, and this falls into the batch of cliches you were hoping to avert: better to know the deal-breaking stuff now, rather than later–at least the hope and not the heart was at risk.

i’m sorry, that sucks. my best friend and i were just talking about being “hopebroken” as i do my best to talk her out of just settling. sigh. onward to better things!

Heartbroken is better than hopebroken - the present disappointment is only temporary. Maybe there are other men, etc., but in any case, we should never give up hope and stop trying.

The founder of eHarmony, Neil Clark Warren, is a Jesus freak. I can’t imagine that he has anything to offer that a thinking Jew would find useful.

Essie, you broach an interesting subject. I’m afraid I disagree, assuming you are dating not for the *fun* of it but because you DO want the relationship to go somewhere.

If 4 dates is too early for him to bail because he doesn’t see things going anywhere, the implication is that there is a better time frame — that he should bail after 5 dates, or 8 dates or 10 dates.

Online guys are exceedingly bad boyfriend material. Unfortunately, the ones you see more than once are the worst ones, who cause the most distress, because they give you false hope that it IS going somewhere.

I am sorry, that sucks…

Instead of cliches I’ll just say this: I’m proud of you for standing your ground on whatever the topic was. Obviously it’s something very important to you, and KUDOS for not settling for anything/anyone less than you deserve.

“Online guys are exceedingly bad boyfriend material.”

Ptwelve, I think this is a gross generalization. I’ve lost count of the number of friends I have (myself included) who have met their boyfriends/husbands online.

If you’re talking about a specific subgroup of “online guys”, well, that’s different.

Erin, you yourself bring up several interesting points.

First, meeting a boyfriend online and meeting a husband online are different. There are boyfriends who turn into husbands and those who don’t. “Boyfriend” is still a tentative state of affairs.

Second, there is a time factor here. Having met a guy online is different from trying to do so. Your evidence comes after the fact. An interesting exercise would be to compare numbers of those in a random group who have met their husband online, met their husband offline and not met their husband at all. OR to take 500 random online girls and check in with them 5 years later. It would also be interesting to see how many guys you have to go through before you find the right one. I think it might be a few thousand.

(I am into quantifying things, as you can tell.)

So you might be evidence of success — lucky you! –but that doesn’t mean the process is quick and easy, and that doesn’t mean H will find similar success. I think there is a very small subgroup of online guys who are good boyfriend material. Weeding them out is really tough. I actually think losing hope is healthy for H, because having it is so distressing.

Ptwelve, I’m not even going to bother responding to your ridiculous comment, however I would like to know where you met your significant other.

Also, I don’t think the words “quick” or “easy” were ever used. I was simply pointing out that not all “online guys” are “bad boyfriend material.”

I find this exchange about the merits of online dating fascinating. Having dated women I met both online and in real life I can say that a person’s date-ability has zero to do with how we met. To call online boys “bad boyfriend material” is unfair.

“Neil Clark Warren, is a Jesus freak. I can’t imagine that he has anything to offer that a thinking Jew would find useful”

That’s offensive

Man, Just went through that…good descriptor for it.

Tom:

Actually, what’s offensive is Jesus freaks.

As someone who’s had the pleasure of being an observant Jew who worked at an evangelical company, I know whence I speak. (I accepted the job there because I went in with an open mind.)

They were the pettiest, most hypocritical, sleaziest, meanest-spirited people I ever worked with. The “doctor of psychology” who established the company was an ignorant, shameless huckster.

It wouldn’t surprise me at all to learn that Dr. Warren is of exactly the same ilk.

I stand squarely behind my words.

Wow - way for the commentors to totally lose perspective - did Hilary say religion played any part here? No, she didn’t.

If you want to hate other religions I’m certain you’re free to do so but this isn’t the place and Hil’s hopebrokenness isn’t an excuse.

I for one am simply sorry it didn’t work out - but all hope shouldn’t be broken, Martini is freeing you up for your bashert and when you meet that man, you’ll thank every kissed frog that stayed a frog.

My hope for you (and me, and Esther and countless others) remains unbroken.

Ari,
Well said.

Hilary,
I too am recently hopebroken (and heartbroken).

just be proud of putting yourself out there as dating is hell. keep the faith as you seem like a rockin’ cool gal and even though you said not to say things like “the right one will come along,” when your guy does come into your life, you’ll realize the wait will have been worth it. take it from a gal who dated a lot of frogs and wasn’t willing to settle for anything other than the best.

Sorry Hilary.

[...] since my… hmmm… what to call it… it’s not heartbreak… more like hopebreak… (and no I’m not talking about the v-date… I’m talking about the one [...]