When Your Mom says, “Give him a chance!” she means when you say You Don’t Want To Go Out With Him Again because You Don’t Like His Shoes. Not when he Blows You Off and then Strings You Along For A Date.

I am So Glad The Blondes got Booted, too. Boo, Blondes!!!

I really did hope for a happy end this time. He behaved like a dishonest jerk and it’s better that you exposed his nature sooner than later.

I’ve learned a lot from your blog, Hilary, and I was able to apply that knowledge last night when my daughter spent a hour on the phone with her friend commiserating over why the friend’s potential BF (2 dates) hadn’t called or texted, etc. for over a week. Then my daughter asked me why I supposed potential BF hadn’t called her friend.

“Because he was hit by The Bus,” I answered. I think she sorta kinda understood.

given his (mugged guy) response to your question, you dodged a bullet buddy.

It totally sucks Hilary, I’m sorry! You’ll meet someone great…

Luc - I don’t think he should be classed as a ‘dishonest jerk’. At least he was honest about how he felt and told her rather than not calling. It seemed like he wanted things to be good, and obviously liked her or else he wouldn’t want to stay friends. It’s not his fault if he got messed around by another girl and isn’t over it, and he’s not being dishonest for not realizing it sooner.

We need to work on a first date, conversational questionaire. “How long ago was your last relationship?” is a very telling question.

Now I’m wondering: what is the optimal answer to that question? How long is long enough since the last relationship?

Nancy, preferably not: “It’s personal and I don’t want to talk about it.”

THANK YOU “the daily randi” for your understanding of my point of view. I, obviously, would NOT want Hilary to continue a relationship that hurts…but, because so many times,IN THE PAST, NOT RECENTLY HIL, she just didn’t like trivial things. But, for the most part these things are no longer enuf to cancel future dates…Hilary has come a long way. I only want what is best for her and I want her to be happy , VERY happy and find a man that will be part of a long, loving and wonderful future for her with lots of grand kids (for me!!). hahaha

Love you Hil,

MOM

Just curious…Do you still think he got mugged?

Btw, I hope you’re kidding about asking them that last-relationship question. Sounds: 1) Like you’re conducting a job interview, and 2) Like you’re already starting out with issues right out of the gate.

Also, I think The Daily Randi’s advice is also applicable to 5′8 guys.

Pox, yes, I still do think he got mugged…I don’t think there was any reason for him to make that up.

And yes, I am kidding about asking them the last-relationship question. ‘Twas a joke…

EXCELLENT QUESTION FOR FIRST DATE . . . “When was your last relationship?”

I went through a stretch where I kept running into guys who would say, “Almost two months.”

That . . . is not quite long enough ago for my tastes. However, as you get older, you gotta catch ‘em when you can. Single is way better than married or living with someone. Know what I mean?

I’m fairly new to your blog so I am just now reading about your bus theory and I am DYING because back when I was in college I too had a bus theory about boys. Mine was a bit more optimistic - the premise was that life was actually the bus and the people you met in life rode the bus with you. Some buses transfer, and some people get off, but others stay with you until you get to the end. I have PAGES of this shit written in my diaries from ten years ago. WITH ILLUSTRATIONS of boys on the bus, boys being left off at rest stops, boys being run over by the bus as I am driving it…. I NEED to do a blog comparison of the two theories - do you mind starring in a post?

I disagree with the “how long since your last relationship” question being valid. It’s been a while since my last relationship for a number of reasons (including me actively taking myself off the market for a long while because I thought I was moving away), but my actual answer could make people think I’m undateable using the rationale of “well, he hasn’t been in a relationship for a while — women must not want to be in a relationship with him, there must be something wrong there!” and no one likes a lengthy disclaimer because then they think you’re making excuses. On the other end of the spectrum, if someone bounces back relatively quickly from a relationship because they checked out before it actually ended (which I’ve seen happen plenty of times), they’re seen as jumping back into the market too soon and therefore potentially damaged goods because they might still be hung up on their ex.

It’s a loaded question, and there’s no good answer to it. You’re screwed six ways from Sunday no matter what you say.

OK, since I mentioned the “How long since the last relationship” thing before . . .

This is not the sort of question with which you come out blazing. However, if your date is mentioning the last relationship (in the context of being hurt), then asking such a question WITH EMPATHY is fair game. Be sure not to make such an inquiry as if it is cross-examination. (See? Another reason why I swore off dating DC lawyers!) Then again, my opinion is that you want to keep from talking about past relationships on a first date.

A failed serious relationship isn’t the only thing that turns a person into the “walking wounded,” however. A string of bad blind dates or one or two dates from hell can turn an ordinarily nice person in to a depressed sorry self-pitying sack nobody wants to hang out with.

Not that I’ve been like that, right?

Speaking of giving more chances, I would say that if people like DG or Mugged Guy want to get back into your good graces, they are going to have to make dinner for you. From scratch (no carryout). And invite you at least four days in advance.

Good luck with the tonsils. I hope everything works out.

I think that “when was your last relationship” is not a good first date question, unless the first date is really long and intimate. Of course it depends on the tone, but I’ve been asked that question early on, and it made me feel defensive. BUT, if *I* were asking the question, the ideal answer would have a promising ratio of length of involvement vs. time since breakup. Ideally: “my ex and I broke up a few months ago. We were together for six months, and got along really well, but then we mutually realized we weren’t a long-term match”. Such an answer conveys 1) capacity/desire for commitment and 2) maturity/lack of baggage.

The “I’m not over the ex” is never easy to hear, especially when you see potential, (and sometimes even when you don’t). I had a similar situation once–4 really good dates with a boy I was very taken with (he seemed so normal, and perfect for me after some of my dating experiences). On date 4 he told me that he wasn’t over his ex-girlfriend (looking back, he had given me a treasure trove of clues that I had chosen to ignore); and in fact it was his ex-girlfriend who was currently being so supportive in helping him deal with a suddenly sick mother who was requiring risky surgery. I was pretty upset, but got over it, and about eight months later, I met a boy without ex-girlfriend issues. Funny thing was, the other boy and I did hang out as friends several times, and the more I got to know him without that initial hope in my heart, the more I saw he actually wasn’t right for me at all. I’m not saying that’s how it will be with you and Mugged Guy, but it’s funny how these things turn out. So, chin-up. That great guy, ready to be a great boyfriend is out there, probably looking for a girl just like you. Maybe it’s even DG (he sounds promising) And if not, it will be someone else. And sorry for writing an essay on your blog.

Here’s a slightly different perspective on those kinds of questions…

ok, I just realized I confused DG with Divorced Dad in my previous post. It’s Divorced Dad that sounds like he has potential.