Most of my friends are married and they try to be empathetic. Of course, the last time they were on the dating scene they were 28 or 32 and it’s been a few years. So, they really can’t be. You’ll get empathy here. We understand.

Ditto what Dave said…

If it makes you feel any better, I completely empathize on ALL accounts. Half the time my marrieds are on the phone talking about what they’re making for dinner, how many times the kids made tinkle, napped, blah blah blah and they’re telling you how your time will come and then judging you for your behavior (and claiming they don’t judge) when hello, you’re 32, single and have a mother thank you very much. BUT - there are also the times when their lives seem insane and they wish more than anything to switch places with you. Be sensitive. Feel whatever sting you need to; it’s you just being you. And just think…when you finally find your besheret and you choose to make a life with him, half of them will be divorced and miserable and you’ll be so thankful you didn’t marry the wrong guy. At least that’s what I tell myself…..

True that.

That single to married transition is a strange one. I think I felt it even in the couple of months when I was engaged but not yet married. You just know that you are leaving a group of people behind, and the “singles” start looking at you funny. Well, in my case, it was a whirlwind, so many people I knew were just shocked.

By necessity, the world changes. You don’t go to singles services, dances, etc. Then you have kids, and there’s the time, the need for support groups, playgroups, parents’ nights out, etc. I hate to say it, but you just lose time for the single friends, especially if you tended to see them at singles-oriented activities.

Eventually, you run into your former single friends (some of whom you may have dated), now happily married with kids themselves. There’s that quizzical look, that “I recognize that person from somewhere!” feeling, and a laugh.

Maybe the grass always seems greener on the other side, as Nicole implies. Nothing in life is perfect, but I wouldn’t want to go back to what I was.

I have this friend who is single, but has gotten to the point of having a long-term relationship. He also owns a house, and I think the light has come on as to what his world may look like in the near future. It’s hard to describe, but when (and I do mean when, because you seem like such a nice person) you meet the right guy, maybe it will give you a chuckle.

Maybe there’s something to that rabinnical advice about buying property first before finding a spouse!

Oh, by the way, I took the plunge into the blog world too!

I do know how you feel, I remember long ago going to an all day conference on a Saturday with a group of co workers/friends and feeling so left out when everyone went to call their husbands.I did not need to check in with anyone. It is truly the great divide.

I do not know if this will make you feel better, but I had just turned 32 when I met my now husband. At the time it seemed so old, but now I am closing in on 40, it seems so young!! I am a big believer in b’sherat and urge you to please keep a positive attitude and just have fun.. the rest will happen.

i think my worry is that none of that sounds even slightly appealing to me!!!

all in good time, hil!!!

I completely empathize and I know exactly how you feel. But I am so jealous that you got a whole weekend with your girlfriends! None of my friends would leave their husbands and kids overnight to hang out with me. The best I get is a lunch date. I have figured out the best times to call my friends, though. If the kids are sleeping you have a better chance at adult conversation. If the kids are awake, all they will talk about is the last poop the kid took, bottles, burping, etc.

I find your life extremely interesting, Hilary. That’s why I read superjux every day. I’d love to hear more about your job, but I know bloggers have to keep quiet about work. You work, you bake, you volunteer, you socialize, you have surgery scheduled, and you date.

Mortgages are boring (unless you trade in them), maternity clothes are ugly and overpriced, and pregnancy makes you fat. Women who check in with their husbands more than once over a weekend away are either insecure or have controlling husbands.

Finally, married women who condescend to their single friends suck. Hope you don’t take offense; after all, I don’t know you or your friends, but I certainly know plenty of women who behave like this as well as plenty of women who have been the subjects of such behavior. The verdict is unanimous: they suck.

Encore what Barbara E said! Frustrating as it is though, shrug it off and focus on the good stuff!

I can also totally empathize with you, as most of my friends are married or engaged, so while they took about their partners (or don’t talk at all, ’cause it seems like once they’re married they stop talking about any problems or issues they might have) and ask me about my dating life, if I’m not currently with someone at the moment, it seems like there’s a lot less to talk about. Sigh. But we have to keep hoping and being optimistic, because as my friend reminded me the other day, the opposite can actually affect the future too (if we get too discouraged and stop putting ourselves out there).

“Women who check in with their husbands more than once over a weekend away are either insecure or have controlling husbands.”

That seems awfully judgemental. How about they love their husbands, who are also their best friends, and want to her their voices?

Chillier, I think Barbara E. was just trying to put A Comical Spin on Hilary’s Woes.

So, like My Friends who got Married? I only keep in touch with The Ones Who Are Still Good To Me. The rest long ago Abandoned Me and only call me when they need me to donate A Workshop to their preschool. I decided I didn’t need Friends I Had Nothing In Common With, so I made New Friends. But, I still donate The Workshops because it is Good For Business. And that is Life.

At at exactly what historical moment did having an opinion become “judgemental?” I must have been gazing lovingly at my mortgage payment coupon book and missed it.

Here’s another opinion: If a woman’s love for her best friend (voice and all) is so intense (Chill’s take on the matter) that she feels compelled to phone him “constantly” (Hilary’s word, not mine), she should probably stay home.

Um… I don’t mean to discount or overlook the main sentiment of this post (I totally hear where you’re coming from!), but how were the cupcakes at Yummy Cupcakes?

I hate to add fuel to the fire but I thought the same thing as Chillier when I read the following:

“Women who check in with their husbands more than once over a weekend away are either insecure or have controlling husbands.”

Sorry to say, but that poster sounds quite bitter and probably has not been in a long term, loving relationship.

DC, no worries! They were just okay…nothing special, unfortunately!

I know where your comming from. All my friends are coupled or married. I hear the same stuff over and over again. I just roll my eyes every time I hear it or spew whichever comes first.

Atleast you are out there and it seems to me that you will likely meet someone soon.

Hang in there, Sweetie.

They have a whole different set of issues that challenge them.

We all cry in the dark, sometimes.

I know exactly what you’re describing–glad you can be honest about it, at least with us. (Do your friends read the blog? Do they know how you feel about baby/mortgage talk?) I also believe that Marrieds have lots of issues to grapple with, but it bothers me that, as some other commenters pointed out, they keep those issues private for the most part. But dating woes/insecurities? THOSE are topics of general conversation. Not that I think dating woes should be secrets. I just wish everyone could share the same amount, be they married or not.

From the other side, I’m the first of my girlfriends to be engaged, and the second to buy an apartment. I’ve become much more of a homebody since I bought my place, and more anti-social. I do have to say that I try to avoid talking about my wedding all the time but my girlfriends love to talk about plans for my wedding. Go figure! The irony of this, though, is that when we were younger, I was always the 3rd wheel, the one without a boyfriend!

I’m on the other side of the invisible wall. I try not to talk about my kids too much cause I don’t like the blank stares. Also, we were at the Grove this weekend too! Did you see me? Asian woman, a kid and a baby? That was me!

So I am very close friends with the nicole from the comment above and thats how I found your site. As I am most definitely one of those people who are her “marrieds” i will say that, at the very least, marrieds are as sympathetic and as empathetic as they can be. I have no idea what it is to be single and living in Los Angeles, and for that I am grateful. The amount of phenominal women I meet on a weekly basis who are single and looking for love (aka substance) is shockingly depressing. However (you knew there was a however, right?) you singletons have to try and live for the moments the rest of us, on occasion, really miss. We DO live through you have the time and relish in your experiences and….sleep. =)
Anyway, I am sure you’ll all blast me about this but all I can say is this: Ms. Nicole babysat for my super sicko son yesterday while my husband and i had a meeting at a preschool where the tution is roughly $12,000 a year. She visited with us a little while, I made dinner, and then she went home and slept in relative peace and quiet. I, on the other hand, was up ALL night for the 3rd night in a row. Grass is greener?

ok I realize this is a long post but Barbara- you are very narrow-minded in your opinion. I call my husband when I am away all the time, and only becuase I like talking to him. Plain and simple.