I’m sure the pizza in L.A. really blows goats. It’s a scientifically proven fact that pizza quality is inversely proportional to distance from NYC.

Smoove–exactly! People know that before they come to LA, yet they still feel the need to whine about it years later.

Don’t knock the valley! You love our olives, lol! JK!

Then they don’t know where to get pizza here. Some of it blows goats. (Ew. Ugly picture.) H, can we put “I could care less” on your list?

I hate to be the one to say it, because I seriously hate the word, too, but…

Irregardless is a word. It’s in the dictionary.

Okay, I must jump in. I teach college English, and I, too, hate the word. Although it is in the dictionary, the etymology of “irregardless” is often attributed to a probable blend of the words irrespective and regardless, and is cited as the “nonstandard” form of the word regardless. In short, this means “irregardless” is a bastardization of other words, and therefore it is only in the dictionary due to mass misuse. So the rule should stand, I say!
And not to sound snotty, but in the spirit of nitpickiness–”it’s” should ONLY be used when abbreviating “it is” and NEVER used to show possession. Not that it matters, because we all understood what you were trying to say, anyway.
Love your blog!

Amen Prof!

And I think we both caught my typo at the same time…I had just changed it.

I knew these etymology lectures would be good for something . . .

Hear, hear. I applaud all of these rules.

See ya tomorrow!

You have to pay to park at Target?!!??!

That is sooooo WRONG!

1. Barone’s on Ventura Blvd. should shut ‘em up.

2. Interesting point by the Prof on “irregardless.” I was appalled to find that “expresso” is now considered acceptable since so many people say it. Next to be added: “let me axe you a question.”

If I can’t complain about the pizza, can I complain about the bagels and chinese food? (and I’m not counting SGV).

Marissa, bagels definitely yes. Chinese food…hmm, perhaps.

EB72, yeah…sucky huh? It’s a parking structure for the whole shopping center-type place. But the first hour is free with validation.

LOVE it! And I don’t even live in L.A.

Dan: There are those of us who would prefer not to have to schlep all the way to the Valley for pizza.

Marissa: VIP Harbor Seafood on the Westside (near Bill’s girlfriend’s place) actually has pretty decent Chinese. That’s where I had the requisite Christmas dinner.

Keith: Rocco’s on Wilshire (by Crescent Heights, I think) was also pretty good. Still too much of a schlep?

I like Abbott’s in Venice or Santa Monica for pizza personally. It’s not necessary like “NY pizza” but it’s very good in it’s own right. It’s not my thing, but many people also like Albano’s on Melrose.

Dan: Actually, yes, sadly… I live on the Westside, so “convenience” ends about halfway through Beverly Hills. I’m a huge fan of New York-style/thin-crust-lots-of-cheese, so Mulberry is always high on my list… I’m just not so keen on paying $17 for a pizza. Frankie & Johnny’s and LaMonica’s have been fitting the bill lately, I just was wondering if there was anything that’s simply incredible around.

About the pizza- Abbott’s is the best-it’s bagel crust, so good!! Mulberry is only good if you eat it fresh out of the oven. Ok, that’s enough of my food talk….love ya

I’ve been on a quest to find good pizza here since moving here (granted, I came from SF, and that’s no pizza mecca…), and I think I’ve finally settled on North End. They get the thin crust right, and use the perfect amount of cheese.

Similar New Rules for Atlantans:

1.) There is no proper NY/NJ style pizza. Unless you import the NY/NJ people, and even then it’s a bit trifling, but not inedible. And since Rocky died no one in the city stepped up to take the crown.

2.) Going faster than a bat out of hell on I-285 does not make you a hero, or cool, just ‘normal’.

3.) Knowing where all the shops are in Lenox is not guaranteed to impress anyone.

4.) Bondo is not a real car color.

5.) Those fake bullet holes in your ride? Not so cool either. Ditto for the fake baseballs stuck in your rear window.

6.) If I wanted to hear your party, I’d be riding with you. Have some damn respect and lower the air pressure to under 110 DB, OK Slim Shady?

7.) Just having some respectable duds is a sign that you’ve finally grown up. Not having a suit/jacket/pants to wear out on a semi formal occasion marks you as one of those perennial juvenile cases. ‘Ms. Mayor meet Johnny Depp ca. 1995′ is not a good first impression.

8.) I Hop is not the kind of International experience we were promised.

9.) No, I’m not going to be the test bed/subject/object of your newest Tech project. I don’t care if it’s due next week and is the most amazing thing since since before Flossie left the Varsity. Pay for your experimental subjects or use the lab rats like everyone else.

10.) No, we are not impressed with how much your daddy spends to keep you in fine style at Emory. The fact that you’re barely making the grade while fronting your own band and running your own recording place might.

11.) Your dog might be family, but we’ve really never been properly introduced. Don’t be telling the mutt to find ’some candy’ in momma’s/daddy’s lap. That’s just nasty.

12.) Wiping your nose/mouth/body parts with your sleeve while out at a formal? Sooo Jr. HS!

13.) Thou ride shall have proper floorboards, brakes, all 4 tires and seat belts before I accompany you to the dance/hoedown/skating rink. This means you too dad!

14.) Generally, unless it’s in season, we are not impressed much by what you killed last fall. That big gobbler you took last Sat right on the RR trestle? Well that’s a different story.

15.) If your momma’s house still has chickens in the yard, yes, you sure are ‘country’. Ditto for that little patch of corn she keeps out back.

16.) If Ryan’s Buffet line is too expensive for you, perhaps you’re looking for some cheaper entertainment.

17.) We are not impressed with the cute looking women on your mudflaps, or your Dale looking dark glasses, cowboy. Is that truck paid for BTW?

18.) Working as a copy boy for Russell Simons does not necessarily make you part of the industry.

19.) Yes, we know that you’re part of the Blonde, Rich and Wonderful Dunwoody set, but it’s a big world, and plenty of other different people live here too. So have some respect and a civil tongue when meeting my neighbors.

20.) This especially goes for throwing trash and beer bottles around after street parties and/or Art Fests. Nothing says good breeding like peeing on a old VW ‘64 van some Prof has lovingly kept in his driveway to restore. I bet he’ll just cherish your contribution to the cause, Bozo!

That’s all for now. Cheers, ‘VJ’

If you wait in line for 30 minutes for a $3.25 cupcake in Beverly Hills

I would ONLY do this for Hillary cupcakes!!!