I’m beginning to think the Nigerian money scam has taken over Jdate:

Hello,
Am Larry Terry from New York……..I live in Rochester and was brought up in new york before i moved to rochester…….I like reading,travilling,making new friend’s,playing basket ball,am so honest,am sensitive,i like listening to music,i like dancing,playing video game,listening to joke’s,romantic,personate,lov ing and kindness,i like kids. I do travill to west africa to visit my father cos he’s from Nigeria and my Mom is from New York so we do travil on vacation period to visit my father in west africa,if u want to contact me u can get me through this yahoo id….larry_terryxxx@yahoo.co m.
Regard’s
Larry Terry

What’s up with these?

Dating: A guy I chatted with at the young professionals Sukkot dinner I attended asked Annabel Lee for my phone number. I’ll let ya know if anything happens.

And in Jdate news, oh wait, there is no Jdate news. Unless you count the emails from friends and relatives of the Nigerian guy asking for money/help.

Music: I picked up The Leevees CD and it is absolutely hysterical. I’m looking forward to them opening for the Barenaked Ladies next month.

Question: My sister is looking for pumpkin ravioli. Anyone know where she can get it besides at Via Veneto? [ed. note: What is Via Veneto? And what about Trader Joe's? Or Cheebo?]

Blog: If my blog is down, it’s not my fault. My once-wonderful-now-not-so-good hosting company seems to be having server issues and causing weird errors to my domain. Please let me know if you see an error as I’m trying to keep track of them.

And with that, I’m off to Michigan tonight to experience this thing called autumn. I hear they have leaves that aren’t green. Amazing eh?

I’m back!

As you know, I left for Michigan last week for a vacation. The plan was to spend the first couple of days with one friend and the next couple of days with another friend and visit some family while there. I still got to see everyone (and dozens more), but under slightly less cheerful conditions.

While visiting with my second friend, my uncle (actually he’s my great uncle, but he and my aunt were like grandparents to me as I lost all of my grandparents by the time I was a teenager) died–he’d been sick for the past year so it wasn’t a surprise, but it was still kinda surreal. The funeral was on Tuesday, so I extended my trip a couple of days so I could be there for the funeral and part of shiva*. During shiva, I got to see family and cousins I hadn’t seen in years, and it was great catching up with them, I just wish it had been under different circumstances.

I didn’t take many pictures, mainly because I was crazy busy with family.

And now, the details. During my trip I:

• Played in a pile of leaves with a one-year-old.
• Learned a new version of the “Wheels on the bus” song. It goes “The babies on the bus go waaah waaah waaah…” instead of “The wheels on the bus go round and round…” And, I spent part of Sunday night singing it while sitting in a circle with three other adults and a two-and-a-half-year-old. I laughed so hard, it was a lot of fun.
• Drove past the house I lived in in Bloomfield Hills.
• Realized that I am a total weather wuss–I was wearing three layers of shirts and a jacket and was still freezing while people around me were wearing only a long sleeve shirt. I guess I’m officially a Californian.
• Froze my ass off in the 50 mph winds.
• Couldn’t get over how the traffic signals hang from wires.
• Went to the Franklin Cider Mill again.
• Bought more Mackinac Island Fudge again.
• Was a pallbearer in my uncle’s funeral.
• Put stones on my grandma and papa’s graves.
• Noticed that if you didn’t know we had just come from a funeral, you would think sitting shiva is a joyous occasion.
• Found myself saying, “Oh my god, the last time I saw you, you were a little kid” to many of my 20-something second cousins. Then I realized how much I hated people saying that to me when I was their age.
• Was greeted with, “You’re Hilary? You’re so grown up. And tall!” by about 10 different people in less than an hour.
• Heard amazing and romantic stories of my aunt and uncle’s 61-year marriage.
• Received a voicemail from the guy I met at the Sukkot dinner who asked Annabel Lee for my number. I just called him back and we made plans for Saturday night.

It was a bittersweet trip, but I am so glad I was in Michigan when my uncle died. I can’t imagine not being there to hug my aunt.

*Following a funeral, the family “sits shiva” for seven days. Basically, you stay at home, have services each day where you say Kaddish (mourner’s prayer) and being Jewish, you eat the rest of the time. Family and friends bring food, you sit around and talk, and you remember the person.

Friday
Went to Nine West at LA’s biggest tourist trap Hollywood and Highland to get a price adjustment on these boots that went on sale the week after I bought them. They are really cute and oh-so-comfortable! And they’re not at all shiny and ugly like they look in the picture, they’re just regular leather. I’m not sure what the deal is with that. Also while at H&H, I picked up a BBQ chicken chop salad from CPK. Not that you care. Then I came home and started to catch up on my TiVo but got interrupted by the phone every two minutes. Oh well, at least I tried.

Saturday
Headed out to the Valley for a day of pampering. I got my eyebrows, toes, and nails done, and my nails are finally long enough (thanks to the iron supplements perhaps?) to put color (I’m Not Really a Waitress by OPI of course) on them without looking stupid. I was also feeling brave and cut a couple more inches off my hair and went a little darker. That makes a grand total of seven inches chopped in the past couple months! I’m still shocked.

Saturday night was my date with the guy I met at the Sukkot dinner. I’m sorry there are no juicy details to share, so this is what I have: He’s nice. An almost three hour long dinner at a delicious Indian restaurant was lovely. Conversation flowed well. As did the wine. In fact, the waiter kept refilling my glass and pointing at my date and smiling. I had well over three glasses and was feeling quite, um, dizzy. Anyway, he’s a great guy (I know, kiss of death), just not for me. The spark or chemistry or whatever you want to call it wasn’t there, and I feel like his level of observance (he is shomer shabbas) is just too much for me.

Sunday
I finally got to sleep in then along with the rest of Hollywood, hit Target where I bumped into a pregnant family friend and discussed maternity clothing (don’t ask me why I know so much about them, I guess having friends with kids teaches you that stuff?) then stocked up on on the essentials, like Teddy Grahams and eye makeup remover.

That night I brought Annabel Lee with me to a Big Brothers Big Sisters shindig for all the Bigs and prospective Bigs (read: all adults. no kids. lotsa alcohol.) at The Belmont. I went to the event thinking that for once, the odds were in my favor–there are only a couple dozen Big Sisters and more than 100 Big Brothers. Well, there were a bunch of guys, just no one that really caught my eye. But–two hours after warning Annabel Lee about getting recognized from Jdate, a fellow Big told her she looked familiar. Yep, you guessed it, from Jdate. It was a fun night, and it was nice to catch up with some Bigs I don’t get to see very often.

Now I’m home and going to try catch up on emails and TiVo. I feel like I need a vacation following my vacation.

This was an actual conversation:

Coworker: How was your date?
Me: It was fun…he was nice, just not for me.
Coworker: What’d you guys do?
Me: We went for Indian food.

Coworker: You go for Indian a lot on your dates. Remember the Jdate guy who was on Blind Date who you dropped off at his AA meeting?
Me: Who?
Coworker: The guy who was on Blind Date and he had a backpack.
Me: Wait, you’re confused. The guy I went for Indian food with I didn’t meet on Jdate–he wasn’t Jewish, remember? I met him at the comedy event at the Chinese restaurant on Christmas Eve and he was the only non-Jewish comic there. And, I dropped him off at the bus stop, not a meeting. And, it wasn’t AA, it was NA. The AA guy was the guy who was on Blind Date.

Coworker #2: Oh yeah. Now I remember. And he’s the one with the car door that wouldn’t open.
Me: No, the AA guy took the bus. The car door guy was the comic who sometimes shared a bed with his female roommate. And his door was busted so he told me I’d have to go in Dukes of Hazzard style.
Coworker: Then who’s the really tall guy?
Me: There are no really tall Jewish guys.
Coworker: Yes. The married one with the kid who brought you the t-shirt.
Me: No, wait, you’re confusing two people. There were two separated guys, and they both had the same name. But only one had a kid.

Coworker: Why didn’t you meet him?
Me: I did, he was the–
Coworker #2: –He was the who asked for marinara sauce at the Mexican restaurant. I remember. He was the tall one but he had issues.
Me: No, marinara sauce guy is not tall guy. The tall one was the one with the kid. And he had issues so we stopped talking then we met and he apparently liked me enough to have dinner and drinks and check out a record store, but not enough for a second date.

Coworker: And the other guy was the one who gave you the t-shirt.
Me: Yep.
Coworker #2: I thought he was married.
Me: No, he was separated. The married guy was the one whose wedding registry I found on the Internet.
Coworker: Hey, remember Margarita guy?
Me: Okay, you guys suck. Shut up and let me date in peace.

And next time any of you married people think you miss dating, please refer back to this post.

God help me. Here we go:

• I used up an entire bottle of Dramatically Different Moisturing Lotion before it went bad.
• I have wrinkles fine laugh lines on either side of my mouth.
• I can no longer stay up ’til the wee hours of the morning and drink alcohol in the same night.
• I have to tape my knee before I go to the gym.
• I had a thirty minute conversation about my 401k plan with someone other than my dad.
• I found out Dave Gahan is in his mid-forties.
• I talked about iron rich foods and my anemia on a first date.
• I have found more than one grey hair in my eyebrows.
• My friend will be driving us to and from Saturday night’s Depeche Mode concert in her minivan while her husband is home watching the kids.

Here’s to our 30s!

Jdate: They’ve gone ahead and messed up the New Member Search even more, like that was even possible. Now when you search for New Members, you get members that haven’t logged in in oh, about two years. I guess old is the new new.

And in other Jdate news, I received three emails (that I can’t read) within three hours of my subscription expiring. Grrr.

TV: Does anyone else still watch Las Vegas? What’s the deal with next week’s episode? Does someone die? Who do you think it is?

Baking: I’m going to make an apple pie for Thanksgiving. I’ve never made a pie crust before–any hints, tips, or tricks for me?

Blog: I want to be like all the other cool kids and list my five favorite posts in my sidebar. I have a couple faves, but I wanted to see which my readers consider their favorites. Please let me know in the comments.

Misc: Has anyone ever tried those Freeman peel-off masques for your face? Is there a secret to them? I’ve tried it twice now, and it either ends up so thin it’s hard to peel off, or so sticky it takes an hour to dry. Help!

Short and sweet. Happy Thursday.

Some recent questions (and my answers in parentheses) that landed people here:

• have you ever kicked a guy in the balls (no)
• what does juxtaposition mean? (look it up)
• how good is hurrydate? (it’s not)
• when does virgin megastore open at hollywood and highland? (it opened in October)
• how tall is hillary duff? (try IMDB)
• why was hil to the chief created (huh?)
• what makes the red in red velvet cake red (a lot of red food coloring)
• how do i know my beshert (got me. do you know mine?)
• how many weight watcher points in a bottle of pinot noir? (maybe you shouldn’t drink the whole bottle.)
• have you ever kicked a guy? (no)
• girls feel fat what to do? (stay away from the Ben & Jerrys)
• how do i know my car battery is dead (your car dies in the middle of the intersection during rush hour. oh wait, that only happens to me.)
• where can i meet a nice jewish boy in los angeles (I have no idea, but if you figure it out, please let me know.)

As always, to all the new people–how did you get here?

$34.95 of pure laughter:

Subject: OMG

your hair looks sooo soft and silky i wish i could just run my hands through them, you smile is soo warm and captivating i cant help but smile too, your skin looks sooo soft and smooth i bet victoria’s secrete will kill to know your secret, your lips are sooo tempting that the kiss of life ought to come from your lips and damn baby, your parents must be good thieves because they stole all the stars out of the night sky and put them in your eyes. the word beauty describes you and i feel the need to know more about you. i would love to have a chance to cultivate your society, to try and win your love for i have seen something in your eyes i havent seen in any other eyes. i am not usually. you are the kind of woman i would love to grow old with. loving you would be exciting and enjoyable and i really want to know you.

Soooo worth every penny.

Friday
Drove down to San Diego Friday night–lucked out and made it to Del Mar in a little over two hours. Not at all bad for a Friday, considering I left at 7 p.m.

Saturday
I slept in ’til 10:30, then lazed around my parents’ house and was a total bum. It was at that time I learned someone at my office has found my blog, and I think (and hope) I know who it is. [ed. note: Hi John.]

That night I met up with Julie and we had dinner at En Fuego in downtown Del Mar then went to the Depeche Mode concert. The concert itself was awesome, but the night was quite an adventure.

The security at the iPayOne Center (San Diego Sports Arena) wasn’t very organized, and our VIP parking pass proved to be confusing to everyone except one guy who knew VIP parking actually existed. Then, we waited in a line that moved at a snail’s pace and finally got inside and decided to grab a bottle cup of water while the opening band (I have no idea who they were, we didn’t see them) played. After I ordered, the girl working in the food/drink line poured my water into a paper cup. When I asked her why, she said the band requested water be served in cups, not bottles, for safety reasons. Um okay. Then as we’re walking to our seats, we see people with glass bottles of Smirnoff and beer. Ah yes, it’s us bottled water drinkers that you have to worry about. What the hell?!

As for the concert–Dave was his usual sexy self in that skinny kind of way, and Martin was…well, Martin. At first, Julie thought Martin was girl, because he was wearing a totally bizarre outfit–gladiator-type boots, black angel wings, a half skirt, and a mohawk hat with strings on the sides. The set list was pretty good. I knew about two-thirds of the songs (I didn’t buy their last two albums), and Martin sang Somebody as the first encore song. A great choice, and it was truly amazing. My throat is still sore from screaming all night long.

Leaving the stadium was beyond scary. They setup the t-shirt lines right next to the exit, so there was a major stampede trying leave your seats and get to the exit. I seriously thought I was going to get trampled and I really didn’t want to die while trying to leave a Depeche Mode concert.

Sunday
Sunday I woke up along with the sun and drove back to LA super early in order to be at my Little’s bat mitzvah by 9:45 a.m. [ed. note: Don't ask why it's on a Sunday, looooong story.] Following the bat mitzvah, I came home, unpacked, then decided to do laundry. Everything was going well until I closed my door with cellphone and quarters in hand. And keys inside my locked apartment. I called my building manager and he let me back in. (I’ve never locked myself out before. How embarrassing!) This is just further proof that getting less than six hours sleep then functioning like a normal person is not something I capable of doing any longer. Now I’m going to put my laundry away and plop down on the couch before I do something even more stupid.

Today is my sister’s 27th birthday.

Happy Birthday Bethany! See you tonight.

Another Birthday: Happy Birthday Danielle! (I hope you’re reading this on Wednesday.) p.s. It was 85 degrees here today.

Reason #764 that I shouldn’t go snowboarding: While standing in line at a very crowded Savon, the plastic bag (containing a gallon bottle of water) I was holding breaks, thus causing the bottle to hit the floor and spill all over my feet and the area near the pharmacy line. Stupid stuff like that only happens to me.

Las Vegas: Um, the ending to this week’s ep was a joke, right? Monica gets blown off the roof by a strange gust of wind? Yeah, right.

Baking: I searched all over LA in an attempt to find little silver ball sprinkle things (dragees) used to decorate cakes. Finally, I was informed by someone at Sur La Table that they are illegal in California because of some asinine lawsuit. Anyway, I can’t buy them online because the stores won’t ship to California. So, if you’re in a state (or country) where they still sell these decorations, are feeling adventurous, and don’t mind mailing me some contraband, I’d be really grateful!

Vacation: My ticket is booked and I’m ready to go to Seattle over New Years. I can’t wait!

Site of the Week: My Favorite Word

That’s it. I’ll be in San Diego for the long weekend. Have a great Thanksgiving!

Had a wonderful and delicious dinner with my family.

Tons of food:

And my first attempt at an apple pie and crust:

The pie was okay, nothing special. I still like Costco’s apple pie better.

Recent searches that landed people here:

• grammar in nutrisystem commercial
• cold achoo sore throat his penis
• I hate Jdate
• nude cripples
• what to do if your fat
• video super eagle of nigeria
• how to whore people on myspace
• should you eat dragees
• wednesday night thanksgiving traffic michigan
• don t call me a luddite
• jessica simpson squishing bugs
• nigerian girlfriend scam match.com
• i kicked a guy in the balls and laughed
• kid hates hebrew school
• dating a jew broke up love
• where did the saying happy thanksgiving come from?

As usual, use a few of these searches to write a story. And to all the new poeple, how did you get here?

Wednesday
Drove down to San Diego at night with my sister. Pretty uneventful, made it to Del Mar in about two hours.

Thursday
Slept in. Late. Helped cook for Thanksgiving. Made my first apple pie. See all the pics here. Stuffed myself silly with Thanksgiving dinner. Watched TV with the family.

Friday
Slept in. Went to the batting cages with my dad. Hit about 10 balls before realizing our hands hurt miserably because we had it set on the 50 mph fast pitch baseball rather than slow pitch softball. Ooops. Hit six tokens worth of balls and proved that I still don’t hit like a girl. [ed. note: I played softball through my freshman year of high school, when most of the girls got a lot bigger than me. Then I played on the tennis team.]

Later on, my sister and I went to the hardware store with my dad and I got a paper shredder. I know, such excitement. Then the whole family met up with Julie (who brought me a super cool Rent t-shirt and the movie soundtrack that she got as promotional stuff) at the movies and we saw Rent. I’ve seen the play three times (twice in LA and once on Broadway), so I was really looking forward to the movie. It took me about half an hour to get used to the translation to film. It was really strange to hear some lyrics spoken as dialogue, I noticed the timeline got switched around a bit, some songs were left out altogether, and Sarah Silverman had a part in it. Who knew? Overall, I did like it and can’t wait to see it again, hopefully at the Arclight.

After the movie we had dinner. I know, even more excitement.

Saturday
Slept in (anyone notice a pattern here?) then my sister and I headed over to my dad’s office. Had lunch, got my eyes checked, then headed over to the Cingular store with the whole family. I finally got rid of my two year old Motorola flip phone and entered the 21st century–my new Ericsson phone is not only tiny, but has a camera and is Bluetooth enabled. Pretty cool, huh?

Saturday night we had the most delicious dinner at Kemo Sabe in Hillcrest. If you live in SD and haven’t been, I highly suggest you check it out. So good. Following dinner, we came home and looked through some old family photos and laughed a lot. Mainly at my dad’s expense.

Sunday
Slept in. Had breakfast at my parents’ usual place, Pacifica Del Mar, then went shopping. I got a bunch of cute clothes (thanks Mom and dad!), and can’t wait to wear them! After shopping, my sister and I headed back to LA. The drive was uneventful until we realized my exit was closed due to the Hollywood Christmas Parade. After a slight detour down Cahuenga, we got onto Franklin where we saw a marching band member, Spiderman, and a jester walking down the street. Ahh, welcome back to LA.

Part of this weekend in photos:

And, as an added bonus, may I present, Overheard at the Superjux House:

My sister was inquiring about our neighbor’s new girlfriend. Apparently, he met her in Vegas. My mom’s response, “Bethany, not everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. “

Movie screenings. Awesome friends with hookups. The Producers.

Great adaptation of the play. Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick , and Uma Thurman (who knew she could sing?!) were all great, but Will Ferrell stole the show. He was absolutely hysterical–everytime he spoke or sang, we were busting up. The film also included small parts by Jon Lovitz and Jai Rodriguez. More info to come later, when I’m not about to fall asleep at my computer.

On a side note, I almost wasn’t allowed in the theater because like the honest idiot I am, I said, yes, I do have a cell phone in my purse. I completely forgot my new phone has a camera and had to get out of line and put it in my car. When my car = Annabel Lee’s inside jacket pocket. Shhh. And no, I didn’t take any pictures. In fact, I miss my old-camera-and-speakerphone-less phone.

And in related news, since I was out earlier, I missed the season finale of The Biggest Loser so please don’t tell me who won.

And in unrelated news, does anyone have a hosting company that they like? Because mine (Total Choice Hosting) sucks. When I asked them for their mailing address, I was told they didn’t have one. Seriously. So I had to find it myself while filing a complaint on the Better Business Bureau website. Where I also found out their BBB membership was revoked last year due to “failure to respond to one or more consumer complaints filed with the BBB.” I’m just sayin’.

Let me preface this by saying I hate the Rite-Aid in my neighborhood, and only went to it because a) I was hoping to avoid the parking structure and super slow elevator at the West Hollywood Sav-on and b) it’s right by my apartment. I went in for three items: night-light bulbs, cough suppressant so I can sleep tonight (I have a horrible cough), and Hanukkah wrapping paper. Should have been easy, right?

Me: Hi. I’ve walked around the entire store but seem to have missed the Hanukkah wrapping paper. Would you please show me where it is?
Sales Clerk: It might be in the back still. Which is kind of weird, because isn’t Hanukkah way before Christmas?
Me: Sometimes. Not this year though.
Sales Clerk: Oh. Let me ask someone. (Talks to another clerk.) Yeah, we don’t have any. All of our holiday stuff is out.
Me: You don’t have any Hanukkah stuff?
Sales Clerk: No. Sorry.
Me: Okay, thanks. May I speak to your manager?
Sales Clerk: Sure.

(Manager comes over and I explain to him I couldn’t find any Hanukkah stuff.)

Manager: Yeah, it was probably discontinued.
Me: What was discontinued?
Manager: Hanukkah.
Me: Hanukkah wasn’t discontinued.
Manager: Well, Hanukkah wrapping paper.
Me: Um, yeah, I don’t think Hanukkah wrapping paper was discontinued. I mean, it’s a holiday. [ed. note: What the hell?]
Manager: We didn’t get any then. All of our holiday stuff is out. Some of our stores get different merchandise though, so maybe it’s not a popular enough item at this store.
Me: You guys are on Fairfax.
Manager: (Blank stare.)
Me: There’s a ton of Jews around here. They need Hanukkah wrapping paper.
Manager: Yeah, sorry.

As funny as this conversation is, it’s also really sad. And frustrating. Come on, it’s 2005. It shouldn’t be so difficult to find Hanukkah wrapping paper at a huge drug store in Los Angeles. Give me a break.

Guess who should be expecting a letter from yours truly?