This weekend, I did not:

• Clean.
• Do laundry.
• Run errands.
• Go shopping.
• Work on a project for my client.
• Find a solution to my post category alphabetizing problem.

This weekend, I did:

• Bake.
• And bake.
• And bake some more.

I made a bunch of desserts–mini cupcakes with buttercream frosting, chocolate chip cookies, and black and white cookies, all for Rosh Hashanah.

And in case you were worried, yes, I did do things besides bake–I slept and went to a dinner party (and brought cupcakes) where one of the guests renamed my mini cupcakes to elf cupcakes.

Now I must collapse in front of my TV.

Shana tova and a healthy new year!

As a kid, going to shul meant attending children’s services, eating apples and honey, and listening to the shofar.

As a post Bat Mitzvah, it meant “assisting” with children’s services. (When assisting = talking with friends.)

As a high schooler, it meant sneaking away from the sanctuary to talk with friends.

As a college student, it meant coming back home for a few days and catching up with friends who went away to other schools.

As a recent college grad, it meant discussing first jobs, new apartments, and new friends.

And now? It’s seeing women younger than myself with husbands and children. It’s finding out who’s pregnant, who’s recently married, and who’s already gotten divorced. It’s convincing my parents that just because the tall guy sitting with his family in the row in front of us doesn’t have a ring on, doesn’t mean I’m game for a shidduch. And finally, it’s telling my parents that there’s a cute guy sitting in the back with his parents only to find out he’s, um, maybe 25 year-years-old. Oops.

Shana tova!

Dating: I have three potential good blog posts dates coming up:

Date #1–A possible blind date set up by none other than Sick Candy’s own Meg.
Details: He’s a Valley boy and get this–a comic.

Date #2–A Jdate.
Details: He’s a former attorney and now works in media.

Date #3–Said two words to him at my friend’s party on Saturday night. He apparently called her to say I caught his eye.
Details: He’s the one that got my friend going to AA meetings in the first place. And um, yeah, he’s a comic. He’s not Jewish, so I don’t think I’ll go out with him, but it was flattering nonetheless.

Baking: In case anyone thinks I didn’t bake enough last weekend, I get to do it all over again for Yom Kippur. I may be tired, but I’ll have a good sugar high going when it comes time to break the fast. And in case you were curious–the favorites seemed to be the black and whites. I’m going to double the recipe this time.

And in other baking news, I’m going to try a new recipe for buttercream frosting. This one claims to look and taste like the bakery kind. And I loooooove bakery buttercream frosting.

Movies: I can’t wait to see In Her Shoes.

Friendster: What gives? Now people can see I viewed them? Hello? Ever hear of Friendster-ing exes?

Flickr Pro Account: Worth the money or waste of money? Anyone have one?

Site of the Week: girlspoke

I put a profile on match.com a while back, just to see if it was any better than Jdate. (It’s not.) I never paid for a membership, but unlike Jdate, Match allows you to read the emails you receive. To respond, you must become a paying member. Over the course of a month, I received these two emails from the same guy.

The first one read:

Subject: 6′2″ Jewish Hot Fudge Guy

I’m your guy!

Want 2.5 kids, still growing spiritually, taller than you…
close to family Ha! - You’re funny…

Click por favor,
Let’s explore for a sec…I think there’s a match…

The second one:

Subject: Dialing you

but I misplaced your digits…ha!

can I call to say hi real quick?

BLINK!

I’ve never spoken/emailed/corresponded whatsoever with this guy. So, either he’s a) mixing me up with someone else, or b) pretending he lost my number in the hopes that I’d give him mine? Needless to say, my profile is now “hidden” on the site. And what the hell is a Jewish Hot Fudge Guy anyway?

The weekend, in pictures:

Recipes: Chocolate chip cookies, toffee chip cookies, black and white cookies. Everything’s for the break-the-fast for Yom Kippur. Check back for cupcakes on Tuesday–I didn’t make them over the weekend because I wasn’t sure how they’d freeze. And that’s Topanga Canyon and Malibu in the bottom pics.

Now I must do laundry then collapse.

A new version of that crazy Hapland game. Remember the first version? Have fun, and don’t blame me if it drives you nuts.

This one sort of speaks for itself:

Hi, my name is XXXXXXX
Be not surprised to this letter, I have decided to write to you because has felt, that you, probably, which unique the woman I search for that also which approach me.
In this letter I want to tell to you slightly about myself:
To me of 33 years, I the young, attractive, cheerful man with a hansom figure.
I live new york city of Bronx, But i come from West Africa Ghana Accra
I work as the Accountant in mining company, I like my work.
At leisure I am engaged in sports , I go to campaigns, sometimes in theatre or simply I walk, like to listen to music and to read books.
I search kind, loving(liking), reliable for the woman. It(she) should be the clever, interesting interlocutor, with sense of humour love children. The age, color of hair, a figure not so are important for me, the most important is his(its) character and the serious attitude(relation) to a marriage(spoilage).
I hope, that you were interested with my letter and can see your answer.
Mine E-mail address is, xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
I wait with impatience, XXX

Guess who’s getting the generic decline.

Same mini cupcake recipe. New amazingly delicous bakery type frosting recipe. Yum. Yum. Yum.

Notes about the frosting (in case you’re going to make it):

• It’s beige, so you have to adjust your food coloring accordingly. Otherwise you end up with ugly muted colors. Yes, I speak from experience.
• It’s not as easy to spread as most other buttercream frostings. It seems heavier, even with a lot of air beat into it. Got me.
• It sets beautifully.
• I followed reviewers’ advice to a) use butter flavored Crisco instead of regular Crisco; b) use butter instead of margarine; and c) cut back on the powdered sugar.

On a somewhat related note (the cupcakes are part of the break the fast), I hope everyone has an easy and meaningful fast. Shana tova.

Recent searches that landed people here while I was at synagogue:

• how to make a bootie cupcake
• how long to bake mini cupcakes
• fannee doolee
• mom i m gay rick dees
• shiksas dating site
• air hostess naked party
• desserts made to look like rocks
• jewish women jealous of shiksas
• found my blog mom
• tired of first dates
• my hott wife at the gym pics
• rapper costume
• rosh hashanah ticket scalping
• dating a jewish guy
• lack of parking at UH
• nick lachey haircut
• Why I hate the Midwest
• candle diffuser for chocolate dipping

The usual challenge: Use four or more phrases to write a story. And of course, to all the new people, how did you get here?

Yom Kippur went like this: Wednesday night had a super early dinner (after dinner the fast begins) at a family friend’s house then went straight to synagogue. Thursday morning went to synagogue, came home and napped for an hour or so, then went back to synagogue. Following Havdalah, we went to another family friend’s house to break the fast.

Yom Kippur Firsts

• Getting to shul on time, and not just for Kol Nidre.
• Always getting seats in the pews rather than the extra chairs in the back.
• Almost getting hit on the head by a falling machzor.
• Not arriving in the middle of the Torah reading, but before the Torah service even began. [ed. note: Maybe my mom's aliyah had something to do with our timely manner?]
• Realizing that some of us who volunteered our time (as teenagers) babysitting and leading children’s services are now sending our kids to babysitting and children’s services. [ed. note: Obviously, I'm not included in that some.]
• Being early for Yizkor. [ed. note: Both of my parents had an aliyah for this one.]
• Not having my sister home with us.
• Having a rebbetzin who shows cleavage. That’s just weird in so many ways.
• Closing my eyes and taking in Avinu Malkenu and really being blown away by the sounds of an entire congregation.

Whispered Conversations Between Neilah and Havdalah Services
Keep in mind, I’m hungry, tired, and have a major caffeine headache.

Mom: You’re right, there’s no way that really cute guy in the [tight black] t-shirt and plaid talit is straight.

—Dad: Mom and I went for sushi last week and I got soup and that cucumber salad you always get.—Mom: What will you eat at the break the fast? [ed. note: Keep in mind, we've been going to the same person's house, with the same type of food, for the past 20 years.] You don’t like kugel.
Me: Um, they always have bagels and cream cheese and salad.
Mom: But you won’t have any protein.
Me: Mom, I’m hungry and right about now, I’ll eat anything.
—Mom: Looking around I noticed that most of the men are the same height as the women then every now and then there’s one guy towering over the rest. —Dad: I talked to Mike, and he got his family Tamiflu too. There was an article about the Bird Flu in the New England Journal of Medicine.—Dad: I’ve been trying to find a guy for you.
Me: I’m tired and dizzy and have bad breath. Now is not the time to find me a man.

And that my friends, is part of what happens the last half hour of Yom Kippur services.

Friday
Woke up early thanks to the neighbor’s gardener then met Julie and her boys for lunch and shopping at the Carlsbad outlet stores. The kids are so funny, and they get cuter (is that even possible?) each time I see them. Shopping-wise, I got a super cool coat from the Banana Republic outlet and am really stoked about it. That night, I had dinner with my parents, hung out, then crashed.

Saturday
Headed back to LA then got my nails, toes, and eyebrows done. Ran a couple errands then had a much needed date with my TiVo. Ohhh, the exciting life I lead.

Sunday
Started the morning off by running errands and hitting Staples, Borders, and Bed Bath & Beyond. Since I was already there, decided to get rained on at the Hollywood Farmer’s Market and picked up some fruits and veggies, kettle corn, and Korean food. Got home and watched Danny Bonaduce head to rehab on VH1 (anyone else watching this show?) then cleaned out some cabinets.

Then…figured I’d return my other coat to Macys since I’m keeping the Banana Republic one. Yeah, stupid idea. I got as far as La Cienega and Melrose when I realized today is AIDS Walk LA and all of the streets are closed. So, I turned around and headed toward the American Eagle at Hollywood & Highland to pick up a pair of jeans. Once again, stupid idea. Apparently today is the grand opening of the Virgin Megastore at H & H so those streets are closed as well. I decided to cut my losses and went to the grocery store then straight home to be captive in my neighborhood. Which of course, means laundry and cupcakes. Details (of the cupcakes) to follow.

I used the Magnolia Bakery Red Velvet Cake recipe as well as their Cream Cheese Icing recipe. [ed. note: I ran out of red food coloring, so they're not as red as they should be.] I love the cake. The icing, not so much. But then again, I’m not a huge cream cheese person so I’m not a good judge. I’m bringing the cupcakes to work tomorrow and will let you know what my guinea pigs say.

Recipe here.

His email is pasted verbatim. (I added the bold to make it easier to read.) My comments are in italics.

Subject: Hi there

Hi There. Hi Again. Are We Capping Every Word Now?

I like your picture and profile. Really? Because my essays aren’t visible at the moment as they’re waiting to be approved. And I have pictures…plural.

I’m looking for a long term relationship. Yes, I gathered that from your profile.

I am 5′11″ and 220 lbs. Then why does your profile say 6′0″ and average build?

I live by myself in a big house that I own in Sherman Oaks,Iown my car(Lexus).and I have a great job and I do very well. A big house in Sherman Oaks and a Lexus? Like, ohmygod, let’s get married.

I love to sleep in and relax during the weekends. Right. Read that in your profile.

I consider myself to be passionate,honest,kind, positive,and funny. Also in your profile.

What do you for fun in the weekend? Does it matter?

I am looking forward to talk to you soon. If receiving a “thanks, but I don’t think we’re a good match” email counts as talking to me soon.

Xxxxxx

Sigh.

Dating: I was supposed to have a Jdate tonight, but he didn’t call last night to make plans like he said he would. This is the second time he’s flaked, and I’m not super anxious to meet him anyway, so he’s out. And by the way, I’m going broke keeping you guys entertained. I hope you appreciate it.

Jdate: What’s up with the random changes as part of the redesign? You took away my generic decline button. Why why why? And what does this mean: יופי של תמונה, ×?שמח לקבל ממך פנייה! (I’m guessing it’s a tease/wink/flirt/whatever they’re calling it these days.)

And oh yeah, I was in their new chatroom complete with video chat. (No, I don’t have a camera.) And uh, apparently it’s also porn chat because some guy kept putting his penis in front of the camera. It was really weird, because you’d see the penis for a few seconds then you see the wall and hear him typing. Needless to say, I won’t be visiting chat again anytime soon.

Recipes: The Magnolia Bakery Red Velvet Cake and Cream Cheese Icing recipes are now up, a couple posts below.

Music: I’m going to the Depeche Mode concert in San Diego in November.

Question: My Little wants to go to a haunted house this weekend. Anyone know of anything appropriate for an 11-year-old that isn’t either a) Knott’s Scary Farm or b) the one at Tampa and Parthenia?

Blog: Can anyone help me alphabetize my category pull-down?

Site of the Week: the delicious life

Friday night I went straight from work to Shabbat services (I know…me at Shabbat services, amazing eh?) then had dinner in a sukkah. Annabel Lee helped organize the night for young adults at her shul, and it was most definitely a total success. I learned some new melodies, met some really nice people, and ate schnitzel for the first time since college. A good time was had by all.

Saturday morning I slept in, bought tenth row Barenaked Ladies tickets (The Leevees are opening for them, how fun is that?!), then ran errands, stopping at Target and the Grove. I had to try three stores before I could find a pair of black opaque tights in a tall for my Halloween costume. What’s up with that? I ended up having to buy a pair from Nordstrom. While at the Grove, I also hit my new favorite store, Sur La Table, and got some red food coloring gel. I’m hoping the gel will work better than the liquid coloring for the buttercream frosting recipe I really like.

That night I went to a Halloween party–I was a Catholic school girl. I’m not a huge Halloween person, so I like costumes that are easy to put together. I already had most of the outfit, including the short pleated plaid skirt, so all I really had to do was get tights and put my hair in pigtails and braid them. I bought some fabric ribbon and tied bows at the top and bottom of each braid. They looked really cute and all night long I got tons of compliments. Around 1:00 a.m. however, I realized I pulled the pigtails too tight and my head was killing me. Or maybe the headache was from the enormous jello syringe shots or the [yummy stuff in a] test tube shots? Yeah, that could be the cause.

Sunday morning I went to the market, bought more ingredients for cupcakes (wait, this gets exciting), and went home and you guess it, baked. This time however, the cupcakes will be consumed by someone who may possibly sell them in his coffee shop. I’ll let ya know if things progress, and then you all better go there and get a cupcake and a cup of coffee.

In other weekend news, I managed to put a new spritzer on my kitchen sink all by myself, and I am quite proud of that fact. I was all ready to bribe my neighbor’s friend with cupcakes, but didn’t have to. Go me!

It’s that time again. Have a question for me, my mom, dad, or sister? Post your questions in the comments.

Did you miss out on the previous questions and answers? Then catch up on installments one, two, three, four, five, six and seven.

Email #1 to Jdate

Hi.
Is there a way to search new members? The current New Members search seems to display profiles that were recently updated, but not specifically new to the site.

Thanks!

Response #1 from Jdate:

Dear Member,

In order to see recent updates, you sometimes have to clear the “cache” of your browser first.

Here’s how to clear the cache in Netscape Navigator/Communicator and Microsoft Internet Explorer.

NETSCAPE NAVIGATOR/COMMUNICATOR

Run the browser. Select Edit from the menu bar and then Preferences from the window. This will open a navigator window with a directory on the left side. The cursor should be positioned at Navigator. Click on Clear History and then Yes to clear history.

Next, position the cursor on Advanced and click on the + sign to open the directory. Position the cursor on Cache and click Clear Memory Cache and then Yes to clear the memory. Next, click on Clear Disk Cache and then Yes to clear the cache.

MICROSOFT INTERNET EXPLORER

Click on Start and select Settings and then Control Panel. Next Double click on the Internet icon and find Temporary Internet Files. Click on Delete and then Yes to delete the temporary files. Last, click on Clear History Folder and then Yes to clear history.

Okay, thanks for an answer that had absolutely nothing to do with my question. Let’s try this again.

Email #2 to Jdate

Hi there. Thank you for the response, but it did not address my question. Let me rephrase it.

Before the site redesign, you could search most active members and new members.

When you searched most active members, it displayed members most recently logged in.

When you searched new members, it displayed members who most recently registered on the site. However, now when you search new members, it displays members who have most recently updated their profile–these are not new profiles, they are updated profiles.

My question is–will this be changed to in fact reflect new members?

Hilary

Response #2 from Jdate

Dear Member,

To find the profile of a specific member, go to LOOK UP MEMBER in the SEARCH drop-down menu at the top of the screen, enter the person’s member number or username, and click GO.

If you have any further questions, please feel free to call our 24-hour toll-free Customer Care number at any time: 1-877-453-3861.

This message is an automated response. If your question wasn’t answered in this email, give us a call and we’ll take care of you personally.

JDate Customer Care

Aaaarrrgggghhh!

Recent searches that landed people here:

• picture guy wrapped up in blanket
• pictures of hillary duff on toilet
• in the elevator comic jab
• i hate adelphia
• is steven cojucaru gay
• i want to fuck lauren sanchez
• match.com with not visible can people tell you ve viewed them when you make profile visible again
• weird bumps on my head
• lauren sanchez fifth toe
• secret cute jewish blog
• jewish shmurk
• people dressed as ms. pacman photos
• mike blog meghan mike always has a girlfriend
• a boy u find in your area to date 13 or younger
• pictures of long naturally curly eyelashes

How did you get here?

Vacation: I’m taking the red eye out Wednesday night and will be spending five days visiting friends and family in Michigan. For whatever reason, after telling people where I’m going, their reaction seems to be “Michigan? Why are you going to Michigan?”. Then I tell them I’m from there, show them the top of my hand, and point to near my thumb. [ed. note: Michigan's shaped like a mitten. Left hand.]

Weather: Can someone please remind me exactly what the sun is? Because it hasn’t been visible for the past week or so.

Movies: As part of Boys Suck Night, Annabel Lee and I saw the chick flick, In Her Shoes. At least we saw most of it, as the projector broke and we missed almost 10 minutes because they supposedly couldn’t rewind the film. Yeah, whatever.

And on a somewhat related note, has anyone been to Century City mall lately? They have this new parking ticket thing and there are no longer people in booths to give your money to. Now, you have to pay for parking by waiting in line to put your ticket and money into some little vending machine looking thing, or right before you exit, swipe your credit card. What the hell? I don’t like this new technology crap.

Baking: I think this may be the first Halloween in years that I won’t be making my Halloween cut out cookies. They’re really time consuming and I don’t feel like potchki-ing this weekend. If I have time though, I’ll make Halloween cupcakes–those take way less time.

Misc.: Last night was my monthly girls’ night, and this time I hosted. I even cooked–I made enchiladas and rice. Anyway, while setting the table, I realized I have absolutely no small size serving dishes. [ed. note: Mom and dad, if you're wondering what I'd like for Hanukkah, some small cute serving dishes would be cool. Holy shit, when did I turn into a grown up? Asking for serving dishes for Hanukkah?!] I do however, have three pasta bowls, all courtesy of my parents. And I can’t even remember the last time I made pasta.

Site of the Week: Don’t have one. Any suggestions?

Simple (everything is mixed in one bowl!) and delicious chocolate cake recipe. Of course, I used the buttercream frosting recipe I love. And I had much success with the gel coloring.

From a guy (whose profile says he is 20-years-old, 6′2″, and 98 pounds) in Cote D’Ivoire:

Hello !

I am sorry we are just loving to each other, and you should give me attention as your lover.

I need to call you and discuss with you as hearing your sweet voice will be wonderful.

I am 26yrs old and beautiful.

pls, let me talk with you on phone, also send me your private e-mail address for our private communication to konw if you can be able to help me out over here .

pls get back with this My e-mail address is,jean_xxxxx@yahoo.fr

Have a nice day Love

Mr Jean xxxxx

Um.