I really wonder what people were expecting to find from these search phrases:

• dress codes for dumping your man [ed. note: What the hell?]
• where does arrowhead mountain spring water really come from
• i got carded
• annoying things about la
• how to know if it s beshert
• rent my cleavage
• someone born on march 16th
• cheap speeddating in los angeles
• windshield and toes girls
• was richard from beauty and the geek jewish [ed. note: Now really. Did you have to ask that? Isn't it kinda obvious?]
• hebrew keppe
• one particular website where kristen dunst wil check her fans emails
• ballet shoe kippah
• dating separated guy

Which is your favorite? And how’d you get here?

Upcoming Trips: Going to the Ghirardelli Chocolate Festival in September then Detroit in November. Speaking of the San Francisco, my friend and I are both flying in and hoping to not rent a car. So, to those of you familiar with the area, what is a central location to stay where we won’t need a car to get around?

In trip-related news, I finally got around to posting more pictures from Cambria/Hearst Castle on my Flickr page so go check them out. Keep in mind we weren’t allowed to use a flash inside the castle.

Dating: Nothing exciting to report. I had signed up to go to HurryDate yesterday, but it was cancelled due to “an unusual, unforeseen imbalance in men and women.” Unusual and unforeseen? Whatever.

And in other dating related news, I received an IM out of the blue from Guy I Used To Date With The Same First Name As Margarita Guy. We made tentative plans for dinner on my way back down to SD (he lives in OC) to return my parents’ car. He mentioned that I may not recognize him; when I asked him why he responded with, “I look like I ate four people.” Details to follow.

Interesting: Has anyone else seen the Kenneth Cole same-sex marriage print ad? It has an image of a newspaper page with a headline that reads SAME-SEX MARRIAGE SHOULD BE BANNED. I read that part and thought what the hell? Then I noticed the subhead: from being banned. -Kenneth Cole. Quite clever if you ask me.

Good news: Without knowing about my Master Plan, a graphic artist coworker asked me the other day if I’d be interested in doing some freelance work for an outside client of hers. I must have paid it forward recently or something. Good karma.

Site of the Week: First Dates

Things I discovered while at the gym (twice) this weekend:

• You can see the Hollywood sign from upstairs.
• The treadmills in the last row give you best view of the closed captioned TVs.
• The treadmills in the middle row have fans on them (I think).
• The treadmills on the ends of each row are the most popular.
• All of the treadmills have little pockets in them to hold your water bottle and other crap. Who knew?!
• Apparently it is not usual to see a strange looking man walk backwards on the treadmill.
• Contrary to what I initially thought, no one really cares that I am only starting out with 30 minutes at a speed of 3.8 with a slight incline.
• Also contrary to what I initially thought, the gay to straight man ratio is slightly lower than what I expected. Perhaps I will be able to meet someone at the gym after all.
• Air conditioning is non-existent. Or else it’s set really low so that you sweat more than you would in a cooled off room.
• Parking is $1.50 for up to two hours.
• The pool is currently “under construction.”

Stay tuned next week for tales of the elliptical machine…

Bummed: My trip to San Francisco for the Ghirardelli Chocolate Festival has been cancelled. My friend made an offer on a townhouse and (assuming she gets it) doesn’t want to spend extra money if she doesn’t have to. I’m disappointed, but I can’t say I blame her. And on the flip side, I can use that extra vacation day to play tour guide to Esther who is making her second southern California appearance in September.

Numb: I got a tooth filled earlier today. The novocaine should have worn off more than an hour ago. It hasn’t. And I’m hungry. And this sucks.

My car: Last Sunday, my sister drove my parents’ SUV down to San Diego, left me with her car, and drove my car back to LA. She’s shooting, so she’s super busy but I’m hoping to get my little Civic back sometime soon. Let me tell you–there’s something to be said for simplicity in cars.

As much as I enjoy driving the BMWs, I miss the normal Japanese car things. Like door locks that are on the door instead of the center console, thus confusing everyone (myself included) who tries to lock/unlock a door. Or drink holders that are not blocked by an armrest. Or window-opener things that are near the window rather than in an obscure location near the hidden door locks. Or gas caps that can be opened while the drivers’ door is (gasp) locked.*

Vegas: Avenue Q is opening in Vegas soon. I’m so there.

My Gym: A source tells me that Vince Vaughn works out at my gym. Even more of a reason to go!

Question: Let’s say I’m on a Cingular family plan for my cell phone. I see an ad on Amazon for a phone that is free after rebate with a new service agreement. Will Cingular allow me to extend my current plan or does it literally have to be a new plan, new number, etc.?

*I had a friend who was filling up her SUV when her purse was stolen from the passenger seat. The car was unlocked, so the thief just opened the door and took her purse. Since then, I’ve always locked my doors as soon as I get out of the car at the gas station.

This fire started about 20 minutes ago. The picture is from the roof of my apartment building.

I’m going to pack my photo albums and stuff now. Think good thoughts.

Update: We don’t need to leave, but thanks for your good thoughts! More picture here. (You can see the water(?) dropping helicopters too.) The street in front of my building is closed and totally backed up, so I’ll be home for the rest of the night.

Side note: Because the street in front of my apartment is closed off, it is eerily quiet tonight. No cars, buses, or horns. Only a helicopter every so often. It’s never been like this before, and it’s quite strange!

Drinks With Bloggers: My planning and incessant emails and evite reminders paid off and I had drinks with about 20 or so bloggers last night at Cat & Fiddle. I was happily surprised with the turnout, and I do believe a good time was had by all. Details to follow.

Celebrity Sighting: Joey Slotnick (at Cat & Fiddle also last night).

Baseball: During the summer, I receive emails from Big Brothers/Big Sisters about Dodger tickets that are available for use by Bigs and Littles. Since my Little has been away at camp most of the summer, I haven’t been able to take advantage of any of the offers until now. And I am so stoked I did! I got my envelope in the mail–and it contains not only two infield box seats, but a preferred parking pass too. I was expecting the $17 seats. How stoked am I? Apparently, many of the tickets belong to Board members who can’t use them. Too cool.

My Car: Not only do I have my car back, but in a few hours, the last payment will be in cyberspace making it’s way to the loan people and my car will be baid offf. Mine. No. More. Payment. Hooray!

Site of the Week: dude. man. phat.

As you may have heard, last night was the much anticipated, first ever, Drinks With Bloggers at Cat & Fiddle. Organized by myself and Pauly D., it was well attended and I do believe a good time was had by all. It was really cool to meet bloggers in person, especially some whose blogs I have read for years.

Other bloggers in attendance (in totally random order): Dan, Meaghan, Marissa, Charlie, Lindsay, Slappar, Jessica, Keith, Justin and his girlfriend Kristin (link?), Jason, Nanette and her fiance Brent, Neil , Mike, Joel, annabel lee, Kevin, Mary, and my sister Bethany (not a blogger), who made a super quick appearance so we could swap cars. Yay for my Civic!

Highlights:

• When Justin and Kristin walked in and Justin loudly asked, “Is this the blogging group?” Shhh!
• Being told by Nanette and Brent that a nice Jewish boy (who happens to be married with a child, but whatever), is my new boyfriend.
• Meeting Dan and Meaghan after reading their blogs for years only to find out they are moving back to Boston in a few months.
• Finally meeting Paul in person after planning this whole thing via IM.

Please let me know if I forgot anyone–apologies in advance. And thanks for coming out, it was a great time and I’m glad I got to meet everyone! And if you’d like to be included in the next shindig, let me know.

On the way to the gym: Passed a man dressed as Elvis walking down Sunset near Rock and Roll Ralphs.

In the parking garage: Tons of traffic because of the premiere(?) of The 40-Year-Old Virgin at Arclight.

In the gym: Reflections of flashbulbs from said premiere.

At California Chicken Cafe, post gym: The girl in front of me ordered a Chinese chicken salad–hold the onions, pasta (their salads come with pasta in them), wonton noodles, and dressing. So basically, she got lettuce, slivered almonds, carrots, and mandarin oranges. With Italian dressing. For eight bucks.

Friday after work I spoke to my first client–unfortunately it’s not a writing project (I’m going to create some forms and templates and help with a mail merge), but it’s money and I can do most of the work in my pajamas from home. The other part will be done at their home in the hills, where they offered to provide me with a snack should I decide to go straight from work. How sweet is that?!

Later that night I hit the gym–who knew it would be so crowded at 8:00 on a Friday? I did my usual on the treadmill then 15 minutes on the elliptical machine and wow–what a difference! I didn’t really care for the arm part, because I felt like it was making me lean forward, but damn, my legs are feeling good! I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…I’m enjoying the gym. It’s kinda fun, and everyone is friendly, and there’s tons of cute guys to check out. And the fact that it’s getting me closer to fitting back in my size 8s doesn’t hurt either.

Saturday I bought some gym clothes–two ($39!?) sports bras and a pair of yoga pants. When I got home, I tried a new raspberry muffin recipe from Real Simple magazine for Sunday’s bookclub brunch. The muffins look great but taste just eh, nothing special. That night I met up with Annabel Lee and saw Must Love Dogs. It was really cute, and sadly, I could relate to too many of the Internet dates depicted in the movie!

Sunday I woke up nice and early and went to Weight Watchers, where I learned I lost 1.2 pounds. Yay! Following WW, I headed back home and met up with David who was our guest of honor at bookclub. We discussed his book, behind everyman–which by the way, if you haven’t already read, you should–and had lots of laughs and a wonderful discussion. And on a somewhat related (in a you had to be there kinda way) note, I now have that stupid Keyes on Van Nuys car commerical looping around in my head. Thanks David.

After bookclub, I dropped David off then came home and did some laundry. Now I’m off to the gym. Ohh, the exciting life I lead!

This week in recent searches:

• dutchess of york+weight watchers chicken nuggets
• am I too picky
• inventor of duct tape
• i like big butts commercial
• how to marry a jewish man
• india wedding cards header in flesh
• nutrisystem does not work
• make fun of people who have myspace
• place to meet woman free and have fun in los angeles or beverly hills inperson
• disneyland club 31 secret entrances
• funny comic strip on noisy restaurant
• how to get tan legs
• college girls fuck the handyman
• i m not jewish and i m dating a jew

The most searched for phrase of the week: castration parties. Because, um, my blog is all about those.

And as an added bonus, here’s how you got here, evidently while on crack:

• my mom flirts with my boyfriends
• everyone is getting engaged and depressed
• i saw mom suck my father s penis
• juxtaposition story past present past
• castration diaper -circumcision
• pictures of superfluous nipple
• cleavage toes

How did you get here?

Annoyed: After looking at the calendar, I realized the high holidays are in the middle of the week this year. This means I will be using at least four vacation days to spend Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur with my family. But I’m given the day after Christmas off by my company. What’s wrong with this picture?

Props: To my sister, for getting a mention on Pink is the New Blog. And no, that Hillary he refers to is not me.

Question: What’s your favorite album to listen to at the gym? I need suggestions.

Dating: Nada. Nothing. Zero. And because of this um, temporary dating lull, I hereby declare B-Side over at TVgasm my new boyfriend. Because he rocks.

Site of the Week: losanjealous

That’s all I got. Busy (yet boring) week.

Sorry about the lack of posts, but I’m thinking perhaps that has to do with the lack of excitement in my life at the moment. What can I say?

Anyway, on to the weekend. Friday night I went to the gym where I saw:

• Three guys reading scripts on the treadmill.
• Two people with hot coffee in their cup holders.
• One girl walking super slowly on the treadmill dressed for winter.
• A zillion guys wearing cargo shorts. What’s the deal with that?

I also discovered that wearing a t-shirt that says Sheket B’vakasha! Hey! will get you chuckles from some and quizzical looks from others.

Saturday I woke up at 8:00 am thanks to my Little calling and leaving an urgent voicemail asking me what time we are hanging out on August 28. Now, was it really necessary for her to call that early on a weekend? I think not. After catching a couple more hours of rest, I headed to the gym where I think I saw my neighbor on the treadmill in front of me. I don’t really see him from the back all that often, but his hair and Michigan State (boo!) t-shirt made me believe it was him. Following the gym, I came home and showered and stuff then headed over to the market, sans makeup, where I proceeded to get chatted up by a nice guy. Talk about an ego boost.

That night, I had dinner at Doughboys (yum!) then saw The 40-Year-Old-Virgin in the Dome at the Arclight. I hadn’t been to the Dome part of the theater in years, and it made me realize how spoiled we are by stadium style seating. The Dome is great and all, but I still prefer the new Arclight theaters. [ed. note: I am fully aware this is hate mail worthy. Bring it on.]

And to keep with the waking up early on a weekend theme, Sunday morning I was woken up by my little; this time however, she let me sleep until 9:00. Another voicemail, asking what time I would be picking her up today. After a quick half-asleep phone call on my part, I discovered for some reason she thought today was the 28th (um, where’s her mom with a calendar?) and she apologized profusely for waking me up. She’s a good kid.

Once fully awake, I went to Weight Watchers–and get this–I gained a pound. We’re attributing it to the fact that I just started working out, as it’s apparently normal to gain in the first few weeks of gym-going. Even so, it’s frustrating. I’m working so hard at the gym and I gain? So unfair.

After the slight mental setback, I did laundry, cleaned up my apartment, ran errands, then tried unsuccessfully to find some inexpensive yoga pants. Finally, I got back home, did some work, and made dinner. Now it’s time for TiVo.

Side note: If you’re super good with Wordpress and want to help me out, please email me.

Or, what you are missing out on by not working in a corporate environment.

Scenario One–How Are you?
Depending on the day of the week, there is a standard answer to the daily question–How are you?

Monday: Ugh. The weekend went by way too quickly.
Tuesday: Eh, it’s only Tuesday.
Wednesday: Humpday! Getting closer to the weekend.
Thursday: Tomorrow’s Friday!
Friday: It’s Friday!

And of course, one must never deviate from the above responses, unless it is to interject about an upcoming three day weekend or vacation.

- - -
Scenario Two–The Vacation Request
The other day, I was wandering around my office in search of a Vacation Request form, which is required in order to request vacation days. However, I couldn’t find one and was told I needed to “order” more copies of the form from the supplies storage room. To do that, I must complete a (I kid you not), Forms Requisition Form and have it signed by the Vice President of my department. Now, here are my issues:

1. Wouldn’t it have been much easier and faster had I been allowed to walk the 10 yards to the storage room, asked someone in there for the forms, and been on my merry way?
2. What exactly does my company think I am going to do with copies of a vacation request form should I in fact be allowed to do the above? Sell them? Hoard them?
3. Is a Forms Requisition Form not one of the silliest things you’ve ever heard of?

Stay tuned for more tales of My Own Personal Office Space. Because you know there’s more.

Some recent searches that landed you here:

• funny picture with a guy throwing his dog on myspace .com
• lauren sanchez wedding [ed. note: Who the hell is Lauren Sanchez?]
• who hates hil and loves her
• bad experience converting to judaism
• letters about camp cuyamaca
• fiddle cleavage
• which beer does nick lachey drink
• recommendations for getting haircut in los angeles
• nanette lee lost weight
• jdate mistakes
• things to know when dating a jew

And of course, to all the new people–How did you get here? Oh, and who’s gonna write a story? Use at least five search terms.

Question #1: I’m taking my Little miniature golfing this weekend. Are there any miniature golf places on the Westside, or is that a stupid question? I’m planning on taking her to the Sherman Oaks one.

Question #2: Are you super good with Wordpress and want to help me with a new theme I want to personalize? I’ll be your best friend.

Woohoo: I found my collar bone again.

Congratulations: To Kristin and Robby on the birth of their most adorable son, Nolan.

Lame: I got a jury summons (in downtown no less) for the week of Rosh Hashanah. I had to postpone it till December and now must pray that I don’t get chosen, because my company makes us use vacation days for jury duty. And with having to use six vacation days between Passover, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur, I won’t have enough left to ya know, go on vacation should I have to serve.

Dating Dated: I received an email from Speeddating Guy, aka Text Messaging Guy, or as you may remember him, the guy with whom the Strange Thing Happened at the Gap. We’ve been corresponding for a few days. That’s it. Nothing more to tell.

Site of the Week: Snarkywood

Friday night I decided to forgo the gym and instead baked cookies for a party I would be attending the following night. Aren’t they cute? They’re peanut butter cookies with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups inside. Really now, what could be better than peanut butter and chocolate? Yum! Update: Here’s the recipe.

Saturday morning I woke up at 9:00 (ugh, too early for a Saturday), and dragged my cookie-tasting self to the gym where I saw a guy from Groundlings working out. That afternoon I got my eyebrows waxed, my nails manicured, and hit Target and Trader Joes with the rest of Hollywood. In case you were wondering what people out here do when it’s 90+ in the City–they go to Target in West Hollywood.

After fighting my way out of the parking garage, I finally made it home in enough time to get ready for the shindig then picked up Annabel Lee. [ed. note: The party was hosted by a girl I met at Speeddating (I know, go figure) the same night I met Speeddating Guy.] Anyway, the adventure began when we: a) got stuck in traffic at a drivers license/sobriety check point on Pico near Beverly Glen; then b) almost got creamed by a bus on Bundy; and lastly c) drove around for thirty minutes trying to find a parking spot near the hostess’s apartment. We finally found one, two blocks away.

Once at the party, we bumped into none other than everyone’s mutual friend Evan (who by the way, can help you with your online dating profile should you need some assistance) and his friend. We then plopped ourselves down on the couch where we drank lots of wine and shared witty conversation. It was a fun night.

Sunday morning I slept right through my Weight Watchers meeting (oops) then picked up my Little for our first outing of the summer. We had originally planned to go miniature golfing at that huge place in Sherman Oaks, but the heat won out and we ended up at a super cool, indoor glow-in-the-dark miniature golf place in the City recommended to me by Annabel Lee. [ed. note: Thanks!] My Little had the best time and already can’t wait to go back. It was totally fun, and I think it could make for a fun date night (should I actually have a date sometime soon).

After all that fun and excitement, I headed back home and now plan to do laundry, clean my apartment, then maybe meet a friend for dinner. Then again, TiVo sounds a little more relaxing.

Meme #1, from Jerry.

The instructions are: List ten songs that you are currently digging…it doesn’t matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they’re no good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they’re listening to.

Here’s my random list:

1. Wake Me Up When September Ends by Greenday
2. What Do You Do With a B.A. In English from the Avenue Q soundtrack
3. All These Things That I’ve Done by The Killers
4. Beverly Hills by Weezer (please don’t laugh)
5. La Vie Boheme from the Rent soundtrack
6. American Music by Violent Femmes
7. Falling for the First Time by Barenaked Ladies
8. Vincent by Don McLean
9. Alpha Beta Parking Lot by Cake
10. Speed of Sound by Coldplay

Okay, Keith, Nanette, Erin, annabel lee, and Charlie , you’re it!

– — –
Meme #2, from Stacey and Erin:

7 things I plan to do before I die:

1. Go on a fourth date with the same person. Haha, that was a joke. Well, kinda.
2. Fall in love and get married.
3. Be a mommy.
4. Write a book.
5. Go back to Paris.
6. Make a living doing something I completely enjoy.
7. Learn to snowboard.

7 things I can do:

1. Bake.
2. Write.
3. Type fast.
4. Curl my tongue.
5. Fall asleep anytime, anywhere.
6. Speak enough French to travel around Paris.
7. Crafty type stuff.

7 things I cannot do:

1. Knit.
2. A pull-up.
3. Math.
4. Cook.
5. Sing.
6. Tan.
7. Polish my nails neatly. (Thank god for manicurists!)

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:

1. Wit.
2. Sense of humor.
3. Honesty.
4. Intelligence.
5. Integrity.
6. Thick, dark hair (on his head).
7. His ability to be close to his family without living in their house.

7 things that I say most often:

1. It’s all good.
2. Nuh uh?
3. He/she/that is so weird.
4. Oh my god!
5. And this concerns me how?
6. So…
7. Fucker.

7 celebrity crushes:

1. Shawn Green.
2. Josh Duhamel.
3. Matt Dillon.
4. Kirk Gibson (until he broke my heart).
5. B-Side (is he really a celeb though?).
6. Brian (from Guster).
7. Brad Pitt (When he was on Glory Days. Not now!)

7 people I want to do this:

Well, rather than choose seven people, I’m leaving it open to whomever wants to do it.

(Coming soon…)

Sorry to leave you all hanging, but I’m tired and have to be up for work in six hours. Details hopefully tomorrow.