“I’m looking for a girl who’s at ease in both jeans and t-shirt or an evening gown and heals.” Ugh - how cliche can it get?!

Alternatively, those who write “I like to go out, but also enjoy a night in.”

These people try to be everything to everyone and have similarly unrealistic expecations of others. Grow up and own up to who you really are. Just lay it out there honestly and hopefully you’ll find someone equally authentic in the process!

“I work hard, but I also play hard.”

I love long walks on the beach. what is this? does anybody really do this?

Don’t even get me started! It’s like trying to choose my favorite grain of Kashi cereal: they all look the same and seem utterly unappealing, but you keep going through boxes of the stuff because people tell you it’s good for you.

Funny. I was going to say what Caron said, but from the opposite perspective. It is so cliched when I read in half the women’s profiles out there (and no, I’m not kidding): “I feel just as comfortable in jeans and an evening gown.”

I like that comparison Esther!!! (Are you the same Esther from this fish blog?)

I disliked all bragging, especially when combined with poor grammar and bad spelling.

I hate it when they re-state stats that are right there on the profile, like height or age. Also, it drives me crazy when someone calls themselves intelligent or intellectual - and then misspells it.

I’m seconding everything everyone has said here. Adding a few more:
“I can’t believe I’m doing this” or “I never thought I’d need to use an online personals site” — we’re all here, don’t make us feel worse! And essays that end with, “This is padding because the essay has to be at least 100 characters.”

Is there anything more cliche than “I’m looking for someone with a sense of humor”?

What does that mean, exactly? That you want someone who likes high-quality comedy like “Arrested Development”? Or does laughing at “According to Jim” or Pauly Shore movies count too? Does it mean you want someone who actually *IS* funny? Seems hanging out after the final set at your local comedy club would get you your desired result faster than a dating site in that case. Or is it to be taken literally - that you just want someone who can sense if something is funny, which seems like kind of a low standard since I think most people can get a general sense if something is meant to be humorous.

It’s one of those classic dating site comments that almost everyone puts into their profile and yet tells you nothing.

No smoker is every really “Trying to Quit”

Ok, so I’m kind of going in another direction here, but a friend went to a wedding of two people who met via online dating service. At the rehearsal dinner they put their original profiles up on a screen and each pointed out all the lies that they wrote in order to attract a suitable dater. Sorry this wasn’t your question.

i’ll take EVERYMAN’s advice and mock this line:

“I’m considered really really funny, but rather than write something here that’s actually funny, I’ll just assure you once more how funny I am.”

What Gooch said.
Also, what people expect out of a first date: “chemistry”. Overused and meaningless.

Plus I hear lotsa guys actually put up pics of themselves shirtless, barechested in front of their car.

Does that work? If so, I’ll be sure to wax both…

girls who write, “i’m attractive…” in their litany of personal adjectives. don’t tell me you’re attractive, just post the photo and be done with it. or when girls write, “…people tell me i’m pretty and funny…” - that is so annoying.

Biggest turn-off?? Harley guys. What is it with white guys in their 40s?

Or anyone who says, “I enjoy walks on the beach.” Sheesh, who doesn’t?!

I’m with you on the bare chest pics. Yikes. Right up there with pics of guys ON THEIR HARLEY.

pictures with shirts off and/or flexing: CHEESY and desperate. in front of motorized vehicles (ex: car or motorcycle) : pathetic

What Kieth said. And “I love the outdoors.” Sure you do, that’s why I run into you everytime I go mountain bikeing. Also, people who don’t proofread and edit their profiles are a real turn-off. God, and by God I mean Bill Gates, gave us his only begotton spellchecker in Word for a reason. Also, while we’re on the subject, I hate online dating because it’s too much work! It’s way easier to get a number at a bar than it is to send a dozen emails, have a few long talks on the phone, and then finally go out. I think dating is the only thing the internet has managed to make more difficult.

Guys who include “attractive” in their list of adjectives for a perfect match. Yeah, we know you’re into looks. Don’t throw it in our faces.

Wow! Quiet an Internet dating experienced bunch! And sadly, I have to say I’m with all of you on your answers.

1) “I love to cuddle!!!”

2) “I love to give massages!!!”

3) “I’m a *great* kisser!!!”

4) Any profile that mentions all of the above (cuddling!!! give great massages!!! passionate kisses!!!) numerous times in the same essay, and the over-use exclamation points.

5) “I’m told I’m very young-looking” (usually stated by men who are in their late 40’s/early 50’s who contact women in their 20’s and early 30’s.)

guys who talk about how much they like to give massages creep me out.

I hear ya on all of these things, but nothing, nothing, nothing was a bigger turn off to me than tons of misspelled words/grammatical errors. Except maybe the guys who told me they were looking for *fun*. Shudder…

This is like my favorite topic. Let’s see…hated the guy who told me my profile had “too many words in it.” Hated the guy who said he was looking for someone “conventionally attractive.”

You can see the most recent JDaters Anon entry for the kinds of IM chats that totally scare me. And yes, these are all perfect examples of how profiles go wrong.

Yes, Elise, Fish is a friend of mine.

And Gooch, a guy once tried to prove how great his sense of humor was by telling me that he had “a great sense of humor because I like Seinfeld.”

so many good answers here, but damn, nobody said my favorite?

i hate hate hate when people either list “sex” as a hobby. or if they say something like “I enjoy a hot night of sex…” like, duh, who the hell doesn’t?

After trying the internet dating experience off and on for over a year it has been nothing but a complete waste of effort. Heres a few gripes :

(1) It should be common courtesy o tell someone you are not interested after exchanging a few emails instead of simply not replying.
(2) People go on the online dating sit to restore self-confidence an they are not interested in anythin more than an ego boost.
(3) Girls choose their very best photo of all time. Somemes is from 5 years ago and often its one of those touched-up studio portraits that bear no resemblence to the real person.
(4) Too much is expected from the first date. Personally id rather meet someone in real life and become friends and see where it leads rather than being consciously assesed for suitability right from the start

Let’s hear it for real life! WAIT. I never meet anyone in real life. Dang.

I followed a very cute, just-my-age guy out of church on Sunday. I almost asked him to go to coffee. It went like this . . .

Gee, he’s cute. Gee, he’s my age. Wow, looks like he’s alone. He looks like he’s alone, heading out the back door toward the Starbucks. He is alone!

Gee, I’d like to just go up and ask him to coffee. I’m gonna be brave. I’m going to tap him on the shoulder. I’m going right up to him, and I’m going to talk to him.

I need to be a little more brave than I’ve ever been before. Surely God put him right in front of me for this reason. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it. (Think “Little Train That Could.”) I think I can. I think I can.

He veers right and rejoins his people. Dang, he’s with that ugly, slightly older woman. Abort. Abort. Abort mission.

The End