Some recent verbatim searches that landed people here:

• show me free woman sites only from india with email and phone number from yahoo
• unemployed actors in los angeles
• my boyfriend is in a fraternity and i m not
• why are movies off limewire blurry
• how did mrs. fields get started
• gay/lesbian masseuse for women in los angeles
• biggest soda store in los angeles
• oingo boingo american idol*

How did you get here?

*Note: With the exception of this post, Oingo Boingo and American Idol should never be used in the same sentence.

Earlier today, someone wrote a comment on one of my February posts. I thought the comment was odd, so using the email address he left, I attempted to find out more about this individual. Well, my search led me to his blog which contained the copy from my friend’s Valentine card (purchased at Soolip) and my An Open Letter To My Soulmate post.

Both, totally unattributed.

You suck.

Update: The Plagiarizer added this–*Portions of this blog were inspired by or borrowed from Hilary and Amy. Thank you Annabell!

Inspired by or borrowed from? More like written by.

You still suck.

Lameness: I was plagiarized.

Question: Any accountants out there? Am I allowed to deduct expenses for taking my Little on outings? I’m wondering if I should start saving receipts for next year’s taxes.

Favorite site of the week: TrueDater

Traffic: The LA Marathon is this Sunday which means traffic in my neighborhood will suck yet again.

Chocolate: Easter’s coming up which means Cadbury mini eggs (not the cream eggs; those are gross) are available at the stores yet again. Have I mentioned how much I love Cadbury chocolate?

The Amazing Race: Which is your favorite team? I’m leaning toward the brothers (Brian and Greg) and the boyfriends (Lynn and Alex). I already dislike Romber* and I didn’t even watch Survivor.

*Romber courtesy of Reality Blurred.

Last night I was flipping through the new issue of Marie Claire magazine (page 117) and much to my surprise, came across an article mentioning both Jdate and Friday Night Live (FNL).

Jdate, as most of you know, is the online dating site catered to Jewish singles. Friday Night Live is a guitar-filled (am I the only one that finds a guitar on the bimah weird?) Friday night Shabbat service at a local Los Angeles synagogue geared toward Jewish young adults. At FNL, you are pretty much guaranteed to run into at least one person you have dated and get hit on by a guy 20 years your senior.

But anyway. I thought it was cool that both Jdate and FNL got a mention. Here’s to meeting nice Jewish boys (or girls). p.s. Anyone going to the ATID Purim party at the Peterson?

I had a busy but fun weekend. Friday night my sister and I drove down to San Diego so she could move the rest of her stuff from my parents’ house up to her new apartment. I drove her car back to LA Saturday afternoon then met a friend for dinner and the Law & Order night at the Paley Festival. The discussion was interesting although the moderator wasn’t very good and the panel was kind of disappointing–only one of the three cast members scheduled to attend the event showed up so it was mainly a bunch of writers, one producer, and Dick Wolf. I guess I was just expecting something a little different.

In an attempt to steer clear of Sunday’s LA Marathon road closures and traffic, I ran errands and went shopping. I got a bunch of layering tees on sale at the Gap ($9.99 each!), a totally cute pair of wine colored Nine West heels from Off Broadway, a hoodie from American Eagle, and an awesome green shirt with flutter sleeves and ruching on the front from Banana Republic. (I’m not sure why, but I can’t find links to any of the things I bought.)

And in indirectly related to my weekend news, I recieved a normal email from a seemingly normal guy on Jdate. He’s only 27, but he’s 6′6″, so somehow his height makes his age okay. Who knew they even made Jewish guys that tall?

Tomorrow’s Monday. What a bummer. At least I have this time waster, thanks to Meg at Sick Candy. Help me figure it out. Please.

My cousin’s band, Crooked Fingers, is playing at South By Southwest so if you’re in the Austin area, go check them out.

—Via Jay at Much Throwing About Of Brains, a pretty amazing story to come out of the horrors of the Holocaust.—And finally, a big welcome to everyone who got here from the link on Jewlicious. Thanks for visiting!

Well, I have some Jdate action going on. No, not that kind of action. Email action. Exciting, I know.

First, there is Tall Guy. He is 6′6″ and a few years younger than me but seems really sweet. He’s an actor with a day job. (I know, I know. But at least he’s not a comic.) And he has the same first name as Guy I Used To Date and Margarita Guy. Oy.

Next, we have SD Guy. He very recently relocated to San Diego from the east coast and owns his own company. And oh yeah, he’s a wanna-be screenwriter. (Once again, at least he’s not a comic. Right?)

And lastly, did I mention I got an IM from a 67-year-old man? Gross!

I’ll keep you informed should any of these potential emails progress to an actual date consisting of cocktails and conversation. In the meantime, think good thoughts.

The other day, my Little and I received an invitation to a Dodgers spring training game. I looked the date up on the Dodgers’ website to see who we were playing and it read LAA. Who the hell is LAA? The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of course. Now, please correct me if I’m mistaken, but isn’t Anaheim in Orange County, not Los Angeles?

—And in other news, I forgot to put on earrings today and consequently feel totally naked and just off. I hate this feeling.—And in more unrelated news, I’m just not that into The Amazing Race this season. None of the teams are terribly interesting to me. Anyone else with me on this?

First, major thanks to everyone who has sent me emails saying how much you like my blog. It means a lot to me and it’s really cool knowing that there in fact are people that read and enjoy what I write. That is every writer’s goal, isn’t it?

Now, on to what you came here for:

Jdate Update: Tall Guy (we so need a new name for him) and I exchanged phone numbers yesterday. (He already called and left a voicemail.) For those of you not partaking in the excitement of online dating, let me fill you in. The phone number exchange is a big thing because the first phone call provides me with the opportunity to see if the guy can successfully put a sentence together in real time. Then, if he is in fact capable of sentence-putting-together, we make a date for drinks. Baby steps I tell ya. Baby steps.

In somewhat related news, what is it about guys from Florida? How do they grow them so tall out there? (My sister’s ex is the exception to the rule; not that many of you even know her ex, but I digress.) Years ago, I dated a baseball player (6′4″) originally from Florida. [Ed. Note: I looove baseball players.] Then, I did the coffee tour of Los Angeles with Jeffrey (6′4″), and now Tall Guy (6′6″). What gives?

In Jdate related news, I’m getting my hands on a copy of behind everyman by David Israel. It’s the story of a guy who finds the love of his life on Jdate (told from the guy’s perspective). Can’t wait to read it!

Link of the week: JDaters Anonymous. Gotta stick with the apparent theme.

In totally unrelated to anything news, I am completely gaga over the Firefox browser. I know that blatant admittance could quite possibly make me a geek, but so be it.

Finally, I hate the word snarky. I don’t know why. It just bugs.

When I turned 30, I discovered an intense fear I always knew I had, but never knew the degree to which I had it. Most days, my fear is hidden, buried in the depths of my subconscious. But every now and then, something floats it to the surface and my fear rears its ugly head.

Mind you, my fear is not tangible. It’s not a shaking in my boots thinking I’m going to die fear. I won’t feel it when I’m terrified and standing in front of a roller coaster. Or when I am home alone and forced to kill a gigantic bug. And I didn’t feel it in the middle of the Northridge earthquake.

That’s because my fear is that of the unknown. Of uncertainty.

Of being 30 and still not being sure what I want to be when I grow up. Or if I’ll ever meet my beshert. Or have a family of my own.

And my fear has many triggers, which are usually quiet and often catch me by surprise. The trigger can be anything from a photograph to a sound to a word. Sometimes, my fear will haunt me in the middle of the day, when I’m out and about doing normal things. At the grocery store. At a restaurant. At work.

My fear cripples me for a moment, forcing me to look at my life in a way that terrifies me to no end. What if I never figure out what I want to be when I grow up? What if I never find my beshert? What if I never have a family?

I know those scenarios would by no means be the end of the world. And I know I can’t let my fear dictate how I live my life.

But those are the things that scare me to death.

Sorry about that downer of a post yesterday. I was just in a mood. Here are some recent searches to lighten things up:

• jewish guy looking for some action
• i like jewish women
• raymond loves his cheese*
• how to smoke pot without coughing
• hairy gay cops
• who makes trader joe s face wash
• indias most sexy website

As usual, to all the new peeps (or the lurkers)–how did you get here?

*I have no idea what this means. Who the hell is Raymond and what’s the deal with his cheese?

p.s. Anyone know of a coffeeshop in the Hollywood/West Hollywood area that is quiet enough to write at and where they won’t give me dirty looks if I stay past the last sip of my hot chocolate?

Talked to Tall Guy on the phone Friday night and made plans to meet up on Sunday evening.

Saturday I treated myself to a manicure and pedicure then got a whopping four inches cut off my hair. I had a minor freakout before the actual cutting, but I love it now. It’s still long, only now it looks even healthier and takes less time to straighten. Yay!

Saturday night I saw a show called Under the Door at Creative Grounds in Atwater Village. Great performances, and for once, not a happily-ever-after ending in the traditional sense. That made me happy. Is that twisted?

I just got back from watching my Little perform in a singing competition. She rocked. At least I think she did–the songs were all in Hebrew and since I can’t understand it, I have no idea if she got all the words right. But she sounded great and looked awesome.

And finally, later tonight I am meeting Tall Guy for drinks. Think good thoughts.

Top 10 hints it’s a bad date, in no particular order:

1. He shows up late. While you’re waiting for him, you receive a call from Guy You Used To Date (with the same first name as Margarita Guy and Tall Guy) and wish you were out with him, even though he a) is a workaholic, b) has ex-girlfriend issues and c) is an inch shorter than you.
2. The “really cool” bar you drive 20 minutes to go to is a) empty b) a restaurant that serves drinks, and in fact, not a bar.
3. Said “cool” bar suggested by him is in the Valley, even though you’re both 323ers. [ed. note: Who goes to the Valley for a drink when they live in the City?]
4. He admits to smoking regularly and “not being ready to quit,” even though according to his Jdate profile, he is “trying to quit.”
5. You tell him you don’t date smokers and he still tries to get a second date.
6. He brags about being an actor. However, his IMDB listing is quite unimpressive.
7. You order grilled cheese and french fries because it’s a) greasy b) good feel-sorry-for-yourself food and c) can be consumed quickly.
8. You forgo any alcohol, even though you’re not paying the bill. This was done purely to get out of the restaurant ASAP.
9. During dinner, you’re wondering what happened on The Surreal Life tonight.
10. You seriously reconsider dating unemployed comics again. They weren’t so bad, were they?

I think I deserve some sort of award for The Girl Who Has Gone On The Greatest Number of Bad Jdates. And that award should be a sane man!

Tell me why?
I don’t like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

Yes, I know what the song is about. No, I’m not going to shoot anything. I’m just tired, cranky, and wish I could go back to college.

It’s time for the fourth installment of Ask Hil’s Mom. Have a question for my Jewish mother? Post it in the comments or send it to me.

Did you miss out on the previous questions and answers? Then catch up on installments one, two, and three.

Discovered: Two new freckles after nearly scrubbing off an entire layer of skin in an attempt to remove what I thought was shmutz on my face. [ed. note: Probably not that exciting to anyone other than my mom, who, when I was a kid, would spend many a minute trying to remove shmutz freckles from my face.]

Read: Behind Everyman by David Israel. Loved it! If you’re looking for a snarky good chick-lit book that isn’t chick lit, this is it. It’s written in the second person from a male perspective, so you get a completely different view on the relationship than you’re used to. Go buy it!

Visited: My sister on location of a pilot she’s working on. It was fun, I had never been to a shoot before.

Met: The very cool Marissa of terra non firma for martinias at Lola’s last night. I’m excited to have a new friend who lives so close by.

Jdate: Tall Guy called. I let it go to voicemail. Then he IMd me on Jdate. Then he called. Again. Do I really have to call him back? Wasn’t my response, “No, I don’t date smokers” enough of a hint that I didn’t want to see him again?

Site of the Week: TVGasm

Some recent searches that landed people here:

• purple nail beds
• naked cleaning service in los angeles
• finding old doorwall parts
• baseball players with earrings
• 45 and not sure what i want to be when i grow up
• los angeles pictures about los angeles in an earthquake and just looking how it does now
• los angeles people suck
• jdate guy sent me a nude pic

And, as usual, to all the new people: How did you get here?

From a 42-year-old guy:

Subject: ru the girl of my life?????????????
Hi
I was surfing Jdate looking for my soul mate and….wooow here you are, my heart started beating faster……well, that’s the sign! Plus,you look gorgeous and you profile sounds very interesting.
So, What about lunch and see if we are a match?

Generic Jdate email at its best.

Circa 2000	Now*
Jewish	Likes matzo ball soup
6′ or taller	Height is overrated
Has a full head of hair	Bald is the new sexy, right?
Comes from a good family	Speaks to his family
Doesn’t live with his parents	Doesn’t live with a wife/fiancee/girlfriend
Educated	Can spell college
Has a good job	Is not an unemployed comic
Loves going to the theater	Will go to the theater, if bribed
Reads for pleasure	Is literate

*Not totally serious.

The other day I received a Jdate email from a 38-year-old, 6′4″, 146 (no, that is not a typo) pound guy living in Louisiana. Now, I’m normally not one to judge (ok, that’s a lie), but…perhaps there really is a such thing as being too thin. Are you with me on this?

In no particular order:

• Law & Order is on during the day too.
• It’s quite common to not know who your baby’s daddy is.
• It is possible to lose 60 pounds in 10 weeks.
• Starting Over really is like the Real World, but with adults.
• There are a ton of makeover shows. And they all suck.
• Crashing your boyfriend’s car because you found out he got another girl pregnant is not only justified, but will elicit an empathetic response from a studio audience.
• A Dating Story is no longer on TLC.
• I must buy a piece of exercise equipment that conveniently folds up for under-the-bed storage. Now.

For those of you who have tried Internet dating, what was your least favorite phrase to read in a profile? Or what was an instant turn-off?

My Little called me this morning and said she had a very important question.

My Little: Hilary, what are you?
Me: What am I? What do you mean?
My Little: At your job. You’re a writer, right?
Me: Yes, I’m a writer.
My Little: I want to be a writer when I grow up.
Me: How exciting! What do you want to write?
My Little: Books.
Me: So do I.

How precious is that?

Go to the Skechers store and Macys.

Buy shoes. Two pair.

Ballet flats by Skechers and three-inch pointy toe heels by BCBG Girls.

Yes, those make me 6′ tall.

And no, I don’t care if round toe heels are all the rage now.

Because I bought a pair of those a couple weeks ago.

This week in recent searches:

• gay women los angeles sunday march 20 2005
• dose paula abdul have a boyfriend
• dunkin doughnuts used to be in los angeles
• are joel and hilary getting married
• gay jdate
• los angeles is stronger than new york
• i hate the commute los angeles
• a guy called a girl his cheese
• jewish women first date

And, as usual, to all the new people: How did you get here?

Nor do I celebrate Easter. But I do like Cadbury mini eggs.

Happy Easter to my Easter-celebrating readers.

Now someone please tell me when bunnies started laying eggs.

My sister came over and we headed to the nearly empty Beverly Connection. Went to Sport Chalet where I got a cool little thingy to hold my keys that hooks onto my shoe lace for when I go walking/jogging. [On a side note, it was super easy to get in and out of the parking structure--either due to it being Easter or perhaps because practically everything in that complex has now closed.] We then went to Old Navy where I got some inexpensive yoga pants so I can jog in style.

After doing minimal damage at Old Navy, we went to Sunset and Vine where we hit Bed Bath & Beyond. My sister got the cutest duck bathtub mat–I wish I had gotten one too. Having shopped up an appetite, we then tried Kabuki Sushi for lunch. Super super super cheap sushi that was pretty good, although I still like Mika better. [Another interesting side note: Michael Jackson's star is right in front of Bed Bath & Beyond. Who knew?]

Finally, as we were driving up La Brea (after attempting to go to a closed Target) we passed Mashti Malone. I’ve lived right by it for the past ten years but have never been and am so glad we decided to give it a go. Yum! They have some interesting flavors, but being the unadventurous person I am, I stuck with the vanilla with little peanut butter cups. It was delish.

Now I’m going to relax; I love Sundays. And don’t forget–tonight is Suzanne’s Diary For Nicholas (I cried throughout the entire book) and the TLC show about the 7-year-old body builder. TiVo’s gonna be working hard tonight.

Remember last year when I got everyone addicted to (and frustrated with) Gold Miner? Well…there are two new versions out–Gold Miner SE and Easter Eggin’ (my new fave). Apologies in advance.

From the Jdate website:

JDate recognizes that Jewish mothers are some of our greatest champions. That is why in honor of Mother’s Day we are in search of the JMom of the Year.

In 200 words or less, tell us why your son or daughter deserves a free one-year Premium Membership to JDate. Be sure to include a photo of you and your son or daughter as well as your child’s User Name or the email address that your child uses in connection with his or her JDate membership.

Hmm. Interesting. The prize?

Win dinner for three (for mom, child and his or her JDate) plus, get a free one-year JDate Premium Membership (a $99.95 value) for your son or daughter.

Don’t even think about it mom. Seriously.

A friend of mine is looking to rent a house in a quiet and pretty area (preferably in Arizona, Palm Springs, Napa, or Tahoe) for the month of May in order to have a peaceful place to finish his latest novel.

Do you have (or know of anyone with) a house to rent out? If so, please leave a comment or email me.

My Urban Kvetch’s Esther tagged me with a meme so here ya go:

You’re stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?
Hmm. My book club just read this book last year. Assuming this means I would become one of the “Book People,” I would choose Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein although I have no idea how I could possibly memorize and recite the entire thing.

By the way, what’s up with no one having read this book? Wasn’t it required reading in junior high or high school?

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
I’m sure I have, but I can’t remember who.

The last book you bought is:
Why Girls Are Weird by Pamela Ribon.

The last book you read:
Behind Everyman by David Israel.

What are you currently reading?
I am currently struggling through Why Girls Are Weird by Pamela Ribon, a (former) blogger. The book (it’s fiction) is about a writer who creates a blog kinda sorta but not really based on her life. The format is really confusing and it’s difficult to read, but I’m not ready to give up just yet.

Five books you would take to a deserted island:
Kissing in Manhattan by David Schickler, The Other Side of Mulholland by Stephen Randall, Why I’m Like This: True Stories by Cynthia Kaplan, The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton, and Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?
Erin because I know she’s an avid reader, Marissa because she’s always reading books that I must add to my list, and Ari because she and I enjoy a lot of the same authors.

I know, it’s kinda late, but it is still thursday. Better late than never, right?

Jdate (no, I haven’t given up yet) news: I’m corresponding with two guys, neither of which I’m super excited about, but both of whom seem normal. Progress my friends, progress.

—Things that make you go hmmm: The Asian girl/Jewish guy thing explained (link courtesy of Jewlicious). —Site of the Week: Celebrity Kippah Photo Gallery (link courtesy of Jmerica).—New secret addiction: Gastineau Girls on E!. Shhh, please don’t tell anyone.—The Amazing Race team I want to win: Brian and Greg. Who’s your fave?