Yes, I will date outside my religion. Most of my long term relationships were with guys who were not Jewish. I am not a very religious Jew (can’t remember the last time I went to temple), but it is part of my identity. Dating someone who is Jewish is a plus (mostly to my parents) but whether or not someone is Jewish does not necessarily mean that they are a kind/smart/funny/intelligent/motivated person. I want to find the best person for me, and while it would be great if that person was Jewish (mainly for my parents and possibly for my kids), I don’t want to rule anyone out. I don’t know if I could date someone who was, for example, a devout Catholic or Christian who was totally right wing and who went to church every Sunday, but that’s because of lifestyle and political differences and not having things in common, but not because they are per se “not Jewish.” Hopefully that makes sense, lol.

yes. i married a southern baptist. he talked the talk, but he sure didn’t walk the walk.
growing up, my parents started out raising me jewish, and then sort of slacked off so i don’t really have a religious identity.

as long as a partner’s religious beliefs weren’t imposed upon me, i think i’d be comfortable dating anyone from any religious background.
then again, i’m not sure that counts as “dating outside my religion” since technically i don’t actually have one.

as for race… i am half western european mutt (mom’s side) and half syrian (dad’s). i’ve never really dated anyone outside my race before, though i did once have a really hot boyfriend who was mulatto.
i don’t think race is really a factor when i judge attractiveness or datability, it just hasn’t come up. there was an asian guy in high school i had a huge crush on, but he didn’t return my affection (ted lai… *sigh*).

Yes. I did.

I don’t. There was one guy, this incredible guy, for whom I would have transgressed this rule. But he was otherwise involved, and having had several exes who were Jewish (he too could talk the talk), he wasn’t willing. He was the exception.

I can’t. Being Jewish is too much a part of my life to attempt to make a future with anyone of a different religion.

Of course, the older I get, the less compelling this position feels. I wonder at what point I’ll just say “love is enough.”

I used to. I don’t anymore. Like Eve, I am not religious, but being Jewish is still very much a part of my identity, and it’s easier when I can crack jokes or make references that I don’t have to explain, and there’s more material on which to build the foundation of a relationship when you have as big a facet of religion in common. (Not that you need to have everything in common, but some building blocks in place do help.)

Inertia is a big factor in relationships, where you start hanging out because you like each other, and then you kind of start dating, and then things just kind of progress to dating exclusively, then things just kind of flow along towards moving in together, and the next step is marriage — and it’s much easier to get married and continue things than break up over something like religion. So it’s best to not even play with fire by messing around outside the pool.

On top of all that, I have to consider the fact that even though I’m not terribly religious, the idea of Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour goes totally against the grain of everything I believe, so if my potentially future Christian wife suddenly finds religion when her children are born (which has been known to happen, no matter how non-religious the person was before becoming a parent), there would be a huge fight on our hands when she wants them brought up Christian and I want none of that. I want my future kids to have the same experiences I did.

amen to that, keith

I’m not particularly religious (I was moreso as a youth), so it’s never been an issue for me. Being raised a certain religion has never really affected my choice in romantic partners, and I find it strange when I see it happen in other relationships- it’s just something I don’t understand but am trying to learn more about. Granted, a similar set of beliefs (whether it be religious, political, etc.) is important in a relationship, but when you start excluding different groups from your choice of prospective interests on religion or race alone, don’t you potentially risk the chance of missing out on that special someone (blech, that sounds so corny!) who could be the one for you?

i know JUST what you mean, keith! i was non-religious before i had kids and married the baptist guy.
as soon as i had children, all of a sudden that tiny bit of Jewish identity that had been instilled in me as a child suddenly grew MUCH more important than it had ever been.

that’s an excellent point you’ve made.

I’m dating a southern baptist girl. Best thing I ever did. Even my jweish mother likes her!

My husband wasn’t Jewish when we started dating (or got married, for that matter). In theory I didn’t want to get serious about dating someone outside my faith, but I made an exception for 2 reasons: One, we were so young (20) at the time that I wasn’t even thinking about marriage, and two, he wasn’t connected to any particular religion and was very open to coming to services with me, celebrating the Jewish holidays, etc. So by the time we got more serious, he had really proved to me he was going to “walk the walk.”

It would have been much harder if he was an active member of a different religion, and I probably would not have taken the relationship much further. He did go to a very groovy, liberal Presbyterian church in Berkeley growing up, and in fact a lot of the values he learned there dovetail well with our current Jewish beliefs.

He did end up officially converting to Judaism shortly after the birth of our son five years ago.

You never know who you’ll fall in love with, right? If you’re dating, there’s the chance that it could lead to “harder drugs.” I’ve tested this theory. Of course, they were all white boys with some kinda basic Christian heritage like mine.

I think I somehow absorbed my parents’ bias against other races and religions. My mother was forbidden from even dating Catholic boys (not Protestant). Now that’s narrow thinking. And they would speak in weird voices my entire childhood when some cousin or neighbor would get serious with someone Mexican or Black guy.

One more problem, I am basically attracted to the Robert Redfords or Brad Pitts of my universe. My father and brothers all had blond hair and blue eyes - and somehow I want someone who looks like the daddy who bailed when I was two!! Yeah, maybe I need a therapist more than a boyfriend or husband.

I wish I could shake all these prejudices, but I am stuck here, longing for another white boy who might someday go to church with me, hold my hand, marry me, and live happily ever after. (Still hoping for the big second date with Pilot Guy who seems to be constantly FLYING.)

I dated a non-Jewish guy once, and wouldn’t do it again. It caused me a lot of pain, it probably caused him some pain, it put an awful strain on my relationship with my parents…Plus, my Judaism is the biggest thing in my life. I desperately want to be able to share that with the man I share my life with.

As a heathen, I’m going to steer clear of this one. I don’t need any more enemies.

I am with Annabel Lee on that one. Same kind of situation in the past. I was so blind at the time. Fortunately, I have married my besherte and we have a shalom bayis together. I can’t imagine things being any different now. I love having Shabbos with my husband and going to temple with him. I love that he does taharat hamishpachot with me. I love that we can relate about our experiences growing up Jewish and can create new experiences as we grow together and for when we eventually have kids.