Thanks to All Things Jen(nifer) for this GREAT link to Do you know my husband?! Hmmm, maybe one of Blaire’s rejects could be a match for me (or you)!

Thanks to Banterist, we can now understand the different kinds of online dating profile photographs. The funniest part is that the descriptions are so accurate! All that was left out was the headshot. Or is that only in LA?

Good news! The new test shows no blockage. Hooray!

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments!

Now that I’m less stressed–with The Ex actually leaving me alone, my mom not being sick, and a three day weekend in San Diego quickly approaching, I can begin to harass my loyal readers once again. What’s up with you guys? Only two questions for July’s Ask Me, Ask Me, Ask Me? How disappointing! Since when did you all get so shy?

The asshole moron laying on his horn and flipping me off this morning because I refused to move forward even though the light was green (in order to avoid getting stuck in the middle of the intersection) behind me on Santa Monica a few blocks east of Doheny, thus causing much frustration and Diet Coke spillage. (OK, breath.) Have you ever heard of being a conscientious driver and waiting patiently for the traffic to clear in front of you so you don’t get stuck in the intersection and make traffic worse? Apparently not. I hope you get a ticket.

On the way back to my office after going across the street to pickup a salad for lunch today, a hot guy on a motorcycle smiled and said hi. I responded with hello, then continued on my merry way to the crosswalk. He was stopped at the light, I was walking in the crosswalk when he shouted “Have a great day!” with this smile that made me want to melt, then continued on with “Great hair!” I just continued walking and said “Thank you.” (Not much of an opportunity to start a conversation given the circumstances.)

Now if that is not a Craigslist Missed Connection, I don’t know what is.

I’m down in San Diego for the weekend and already a little bored, so I figured I’d share a story with my loyal readers.

The other day I was talking with someone about online dating horror stories. We exchanged experiences, and I won hands down for meeting the biggest loser. Here’s the scoop.

At least a dozen times over the course of a year, I went out with a guy who unbeknownst to me, had a girlfriend-turned-fiancee. To answer your questions:

No, it wasn’t blatantly obvious. Yes, there were red flags I chose to ignore. How did I find out he was engaged? I stumbled upon his wedding registry on the Internet. Did I confront him about it? Hell yeah. And he denied it. At first. Until I asked him why the fiancee (using her name) and he were registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. He then cried and said “You don’t know the situation. I can explain.” Explain? Uh yeah, please do. In the meantime, I did a little explaining myself to a certain fiancee. And yes, they ended up getting married.

Anyone else have an Internet dating horror story to share?

Went to the Padres game with the family (mom with book, sister with cell phone, and me and dad watching the game) last night. Pads won of course…it would have been quite embarrassing had they lost to a last place team. It was my first time at the new stadium, Petco Park, and yeah, it’s huge and pretty cool. The only bad thing about it is the lack of parking–there’s no parking lot!

Anyway, exciting game (no-hitter until the eighth) and cool fireworks to end the night. The best part of the game was when my sister asked why the Padres didn’t bat at the bottom of the ninth.

Now for a small world story. A young couple with a baby sat next us–the husband was really cool, and he and I chatted a bit. He mentioned his wife thought I looked familiar. Turns out she and I went to the same high school–she is two years younger and I graduated with her sister. In a stadium with 46,000 people, I sit next to someone who knows me. Go figure.

I just finished watching the season finale of For Love or Money. I’m not at all surprised Preston picked PJ, and that they both chose love. However, I am kinda surprised they weren’t given a check because they both chose love, but whatever.

Now for my confusion–the previews for the next season make no sense. How does the next season work? Why exactly are there two girls and 15 guys? Who chooses which girl stays? And why do the guys know the amounts of their checks? Help!

It had been over a week since I last heard from The Ex and I was wondering what was going on. Until today. He has since invited me over for swimming and dinner. I politely refused, and repeated what I was advised to say:

Please remember what your therapist said. I agree with her and think it’s best if we don’t hang out. I say this because I care about you and want to see you get better.

To which he responded:

You are really testing my [sic] patients this morning and I think that I am going to show up and visit you tonight.

Fucking great.

Thank God Ant got the boot, he was so annoying.

Gary Gulman is still so hot. Even if does have a girlfriend (and it’s not me). And, even though he was at the Improv on Saturday while I was in San Diego for the weekend so I missed his set.

What was up with the winner of the challenge not getting immunity? I thought that was part of winning.

And lastly, am I the only one who finds Jay London not funny?

For the first time, my TiVo has disappointed me. I set a Season Pass for The Amazing Race, went to watch it, and nada. Didn’t record a thing. And yes, I’m sure it’s not user error, as the same thing happened to a friend of mine. Anyone know what’s up with that?

You’re buying a coffee/tea/whatever at your local Coffee Bean/Starbucks/whatever. There is a tip jar on the counter. Do you leave a tip? Discuss.

I’m leaving tomorrow morning for a long weekend in Houston. The forecast? Eighty-seven degrees and thunderstorms. Yuck. I see many a ponytail in my future.

On a semi-related note, anyone have a suggestion for a cheap but good parking lot near LAX? Right now, my sister and I were planning on parking at The Parking Spot.

Yesterday, my boss and I were looking at pictures on Yahoo! of John Kerry and John Edwards. I pointed out that John Kerry must be a very touchy-feely guy, because he seems to always be hugging or touching John Edwards. Well, apparently someone else noticed this too.

Some recent interesting verbatim searches:

• gary gulman
• josh duhamel underwear model
• josh duhamel naked
• doorwall**
• tina’s burritos
• jessica simpson’s parents occupations
• nick lachey wants a divorce

How did YOU get here?
**See…I told you it’s a word! If you are the one who did that search, tell me what you were looking for!

… is to help out a fellow blogger. I’m leaving for hot and humid Houston tomorrow morning and have a fun project for you to partake in while I’m gone. Hopefully this mission will prove easier than Pauly’s treasure hunt.

Your mission: To find me a man. Not just any man, but a good man.

The requirements: He must be normal (i.e., not psycho), funny, nice, smart, my height (5′9″) or taller, in his late 20s to late 30s, Jewish, single (you’d be surprised) and have a car as nobody walks in LA. He’d be gainfully employed, at least in theory. (I have a tendency to date writers and comics.) And he wouldn’t have tons of baggage.

Know him? Then have him find me! I’m sure a lot of my loyal readers must know at least one nice Jewish nice boy in the LA area. Right? So share the wealth.

p.s. This post was originally intended as a joke, then I thought hmmm, ya never know…

Got back from Houston last night and my sister and I headed straight to the Cedars-Sinai emergency room from the airport. I saw a doctor in about thirty minutes and was given a Percocet for the pain and prescriptions for antibiotics and Vicodin. Wednesday I’m having a little procedure done. (Nothing major, just in a lot of pain right now.) And then hopefully I’m back to work on Thursday or Friday.

Now, about the Percocet. What a WEIRD feeling. I don’t remember all that much after taking it, other than lying in bed and noticing my hands and feet tingling. I remember thinking I should turn the air conditioning on, it’s hot in here, then not even caring about the temperature and rolling over and falling asleep. What a strange feeling of not being in control. I took a Vicodin this morning and that stuff just pales in comparison.

Major thanks to my sister, who waited with me at the ER and is bringing me food and water and taking care of me, even though she has a cold and isn’t feeling well herself. I owe her big time.

Update: Totally amazing sister took me to the doctor earlier today and I had the procedure done. Now I am just resting and letting the Vicodin do it’s magic.

I forwarded my mom the email correspondence the ER doctor and I had regarding yesterday’s appointment with the surgeon he referred me to. (Completely professional, he asked how I feeling, etc.) My mom’s response? Sounds really nice. Is he young? His name is Jewish!!!!

Gotta love Jewish mothers.

Last week I received the following email from a guy on Jdate:

You are extremely cute and adorable. I would love to get to know you. I have a weakness for talking eyes and an expressive smile. I will keep this short & sweet….

Life is too short, so l work hard and play hard. I’m a free spirit at heart. But have also been told that l’m a ” no nonsense kind of guy “. I’m ambitous and love life and do my best to enjoy it to the fullest. I look forward to meeting people that live by the same principles in life as l do.

I could say alot more, but l will leave that for you to discover…( smiles )
Let’s see if you can get past my front gate….

His front gate? I don’t get it. Anyway, I responded by asking if that was a generic email he sends to all the ladies. His response:

Yes it is my general attention getter. I need to compose a new one.

Hmmm, ya think? And maybe run spell check while you’re at it.

Go into Houston Friday afternoon. Checked into the Warwick Hotel, relaxed, then headed over to the Mucky Duck for my aunt’s surprise 65th birthday party thrown by my uncle. (Side note about the Mucky Duck–there was a sign outside that said something about no guns allowed indoors. That’s when you know you’re in Texas.) My uncle had rented out the pub, so it was filled with family and friends from all over the country. My aunt walked in, saw familiar faces, then everyone started clapping. It was really cool. Spent the night eating, drinking, listening to live music, and catching up with family and friends.

Day two was more of the same–this time we had lunch at my aunt and uncle’s, relaxed back at the hotel, then headed over to Mykonos Island Restaurant for dinner. We had tons of great food and wine and were even entertained by a belly dancer and live band.

Day three we once again ate (what do you expect when you get a bunch of Jewish people together for a weekend?) then said our goodbyes. My sister and I took a shuttle to the airport and we’re damn lucky we made it there alive. I don’t know how this guy got his driver’s license.

The one thing I don’t understand about Houston is this: What’s up with the subzero temperatures inside every restaurant and store? It’s like the Amazon outside and the Arctic inside. Why?

This game, Gold Miner, which had me and my coworkers occupied for much of the afternoon.

Warning: This game is highly addictive. Trust me.

This month’s questions come from Ellison:

1. If you could have any band play your 30th birthday, who would it be?
Easy–either Depeche Mode or Oingo Boingo!

2. What do you write?
I write content for my company’s website.

Got questions? Send or post ‘em!

I’m sad to report that it looks like my match with my little is coming to a premature end after six short months. The quick explanation–my little’s mom is making things too difficult by intentionally forgetting and canceling outings and the such. The worst part of the early ending is that the person it’s hurting the most, my little, is the one who needs the match the most.

During lunch we walked past a group with a megaphone and signs reading Poker In Athens. I’m guessing they’re protesting the validity of some of the Olympic sports.

…of the exes. Got an email from another ex-boyfriend. This would be the Boyfriend Before The Ex (BBTE) for those of you following along. BBTE found me on Orkut. A trip and a half I tell ya.

A week from today I will be 30. I remember as a kid thinking 30 is so old. But approaching that age, I don’t feel old. I feel…behind. As in lagging.

I know each of us goes through life at our own pace, blah blah blah, but it’s just so hard to not feel that way sometimes. I look at my friends who are married and have kids, and to be honest, that’s kinda where I always I expected to be at this age. But I’m not. Instead, I’m still waiting to kiss that final frog. This is where someone usually throws out one of the following: Be patient. Your time will come. There’s someone out there for everyone.

My response? I’ve heard all the cliches. And they make sense for a while. But I wish they came with a guarantee.

Spent a few hours with my little at KidCity in Pasadena today. KidCity is basically a big festival with booths, arts and crafts, and a few sport-type things (Velcro wall, rock climbing wall, etc.). It was well over 90 degrees and way too hot for any type of outdoor activity if you ask me.

Cost of free event:
Parking: $7
Soft pretzel and frozen lemonade: $6
Two drinks later in the day: $6
My little telling me how much she missed me while she was away at camp: Priceless.

Orange chicken from Trader Joe’s. It’s in the frozen food aisle. So easy–heat the chicken and add the sauce. Yum!

Some people, namely Michael Jackson, just shouldn’t be allowed to have more children.

Following a long day at work and an even longer meeting with my little, her mom, and the case worker, I headed to Hell the Rite Aid at Fairfax and Sunset to pick up a few things on my way home. After waiting in two different lines for more than five minutes, I place my three items–tampons, Tylenol, and Oreos–on the counter. The checker, apparently quite chatty and oblivious, asks me how I’m doing. She couldn’t fucking figure it out from my purchases?

I scored three comp seats to see Hairspray at the Pantages tomorrow night. How cool is that? I was originally offered tickets to tonight’s opening night performance (including the party and everything after the show as well) but I already had plans. Now if I can only manage to get comp Les Miserables tickets in December I’ll be all set.

It seems most of the books I’ve read lately have been eh at best. So, I’m looking for suggestions. Have a favorite book you think I’d enjoy? Tell me about it!

My friend (you know who you are) informed me yesterday she and her husband are buying a minivan. I’m not old enough to have friends who drive minivans, am I?

Yep, it’s true. As part of a promotion for Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle (which I saw a screening of at the LA Film Festival last month–really funny movie), White Castle is opening a restaurant for 11 days on Sunset across the street from The Standard. What perfect timing too–my parents will be in town this weekend and I know my dad is going to want to check it out. Ahhh, Michigan memories.

Saw Hairspray at the Pantages (sans air conditioning, ugh) last night. What a great show! The two leads (Bruce Vilanch and Marissa Jaret Winokur) were absolutely amazing. I was surprised to see that the theater was nowhere near sold out, especially during the first week of the run. I felt badly for the actors–not only did they have to perform without air conditioning, I’m sure they expected a full house and must have been disappointed to look out at the audience and see all these empty seats!

On a side note, to answer a question a few of you had–the tickets were given to me by a friend of a friend who works on the tour. Quite nice of her I might add!

My aesthetician quit and I need to find a new one. Anyone know a good yet inexpensive place to go for eyebrow waxing in the West Hollywood or Beverly Hills area?

The Ex called. Thank God for caller ID, I let it go to voicemail. He left a message apologizing for the way he treated me, said he was in a lot of pain but is doing better, and he wishes me the best. Apparently he totally forgot I turn 30 tomorrow because there was no mention of a happy birthday.

Many of you have asked me how The Ex and I met and why we broke up. Here’s the short version.

The Ex and I met in a film class the first day of winter semester of my junior year of college. We were both communication majors, and I had noticed him in other classes we had taken together during previous semesters. He was tall, dark, handsome, Jewish, and very outgoing. His wardrobe consisted mainly of shorts and fraternity party t-shirts. When it was cold he would throw on a fraternity letter sweatshirt. He socialized primarily with other Greeks. Meanwhile, I was a shy editor at the school newspaper, and just beginning to come out of my shell and develop into the person I am today. I had a negative impression of the Greek system, and didn’t care for fraternity guys in general. But then…

We were sitting next to each other waiting for the professor to welcome us to class. I was eating a snack (butter pretzels, yum), and noticed he was sitting next to me. I said hello, we started a conversation, and I offered him a pretzel. From that day on, we met after class each day, grabbed a bite to eat, and then hung out at the fraternity house or my apartment and got to know each other. I quickly became a walking fraternity party advertisement, and even bought him a letter sweatshirt as a gift. Holidays were soon spent with each others families, our parents and siblings were introduced to each other, and we talked about getting married. And that my friends, is how it all began.

Fast forward two years. I had finished school and he was still doing the eight-year-plan with the rest of the brothers. This of course meant I was working and he was still partying away. I had just gotten my own apartment, sans roommates, and he was still living with his parents. He asked if he could move in and I told him no. I explained I wanted him to experience living on his own for a while before living with me. (i.e., I didn’t want him to go straight from living with his parents to living with me.) Not to mention, I wanted to be engaged. Apparently, this didn’t go over well with him, as he wanted to move in first, then get engaged. Things between us quickly went from bad to worse, and we eventually broke up following a disastrous trip to Mexico.

Shortly after calling it quits, he asked me what he needed to do to save the relationship. I told him three things: 1. Move out of his parents’ house. 2. Graduate and get a job. 3. Quit hanging out with the 18-year-old fraternity brothers.

And, in true The Ex fashion, three years after that conversation, he called and said the following: I have my own apartment, a good job, and I don’t hang out with the brothers anymore.

And he’s been calling ever since…

It’s true. I’m now 30. And guess what? I feel exactly the same!

Many of you have inquired into what I’m doing for the big day. Well, I’m starting it off with a manicure, pedicure, and haircut. Then, the parents get into town and my sister and I are meeting them for a really nice dinner. After that, a visit to my sister’s good-bye party (she’s moving to NY soon) at a local pub. Then, off to another bar to meet some friends for more drinks. So basically, lots of eating and drinking.

Details to follow after the festivities die down.

What a fun birthday! Started out with a manicure, pedicure, and haircut and color (which I absolutely love)! Then met up with my family and received some AMAZING gifts–a beautiful strand of pearls from my parents and a Tiffany ID bracelet (which I have wanted forever) from my sister.

We then headed over to Dan Tana’s for dinner. Food was delish, but we felt super rushed out of there. After dinner, my parents, sister, and I went to St. Nicks for my sister’s goodbye party. There is nothing weirder than being in a bar with your parents on a Saturday night. (Side note: I got carded. I’m 30. I guess I should take it as a compliment. And, I did get a free birthday drink.) Spent a couple hours chatting with my sister’s friends then met up with a friend and went for dessert.

Today, we had brunch at Nate ‘n Al’s, where much to my mom’s delight, we had a celebrity sighting–we saw Suzanne Pleshette eating with Tom Poston. Very exciting, I know. We also saw a non-celebrity–my sister’s ex-boyfriend there with his current girlfriend. Not sure which sighting was more exciting.

Now everyone is back at their respective homes and I am going to collapse.

Just took a look at my caller ID. The Ex called today while I was out with my family. No message this time. I’m guessing he’ll try back tonight. Ugh.

I now have two episodes of Entourage Tivo’d. Are they worth watching or should I not waste my time? Discuss.

In less than two weeks my sister will be moving across the country. I am beyond excited for her, yet sad and scared at the same time. I have always felt a little protective of her, after all, she is my younger sister. When I think of her living in New York, I wonder who she is going to call when she needs directions to a place she was supposed to be at ten minutes ago. Or who is going to give her advice on fixing up her resume. Or answer her random questions that she always seems to ask just me. I remember when she moved to LA and got her first real job out of college, I sat down with her and explained how her health insurance and 401k works. I’ve spent numerous hours showing her how to complete her taxes. Who is going to help her with all stuff in New York?

My sister and I are four years apart, and only in the last few years have we begun to get to know each other as adults and friends, rather than just sisters. (We’ve advanced from she’s-pulling-my-hair to can-I-borrow-your-shirt.) I’m going to miss the way our friendship is developing, and although it will continue to blossom over the phone and in emails, it just won’t be the same. Fortunately for me, I love New York and am quite excited to have a wonderful reason to visit such a fun city.

Good luck in New York! I love and will miss you!

Otherwise I probably would have bought this Robo Maid while wide awake at 2:00 a.m. watching infomercials. How cool is this? You charge it, put it on the floor, and voila, your floor is clean without lifting a finger. Of course, that is assuming it actually works.

Some recent interesting verbatim searches:

• Hilary Duff concert backstage passes
• Jessica Simpson boob shot
• craigslist.com los angeles girls for sex
• when does the 2004 season of starting over begin
• Gary Gulman pictures naked
• jdate horror stories
• bridal nipple pasties
• craigslist.com los angeles meet woman
• how taller should a guy be in comparison to his girl

How did you get here?

Just got back from a friend’s birthday celebration at Jillian’s at City Walk. I hate City Walk. Hate, hate, hate it. And now I hate Jillian’s. Why? Because I witnessed something really gross. We were upstairs bowling and a server brought us a few trays of appetizers we had ordered. As soon as the food was on the table, people started digging in. A few minutes later, the server came back and explained he had brought us food that belonged to another party. He then took away the food we had already begun to eat and served it to them. Is that disgusting or what?

Growing up in Michigan, we used to beg our parents to let us have Faygo Redpop. Rumor had it the red dye made us hyper; much like the red M&M myth, I’m guessing it’s not true. Last night at the birthday shindig, someone mentioned a store called Galco’s that apparently sells Faygo (and other drinks from elsewhere in the country). Who knew?! I am most definitely going to make a trip there soon!

How the hell do you fold a fitted sheet?

You guessed it! Amish in the City. Anyone else gonna watch it?

My car needs new brake pads. At least my coworkers think it does. And herein lies the problem. Since I’m not one hundred percent sure the really-annoying-squealing-noise-I-hear-when-I-put-my-car-in-reverse-and-step-on-the-brake is in fact a result of brake pads that need replacing, I have to take my car to the shop. By myself. Unfortunately, I do not know of any brake places/mechanics around here (West Hollywood-area) so I have no idea where to go.

This is where you come in. Know a brake place/mechanic you trust? Let me know! Also, how much should a new set of front brake pads cost for a Honda Civic?

For Love or Money
Too many twists, turns
Rachel, they are on to you
I am so confused

Last Comic Standing
TV show or a
NetZero informercial
No, I did not vote

Amish in the City
It’s like the Real World
With some Amish kids thrown in
I will watch again

Have one of your own to contribute?

And my dad probably would too, if he knew how to access it. Or what it is.

After noticing MOM in the comments, a few people have asked me if it’s strange or uncomfortable that my mom reads my blog. My response? Well, not so much. My mom and I are very close, and she knows a lot about what is going on in my life, who I’m dating, etc., so most of the stuff she reads here isn’t news to her. (Save for a few details sometimes. Sorry mom.)

As to how mom found my blog, well, that would be from my sister. She and I were making plans to have dinner with her former boss and his boyfriend and I said I felt like I already know them (even though I hadn’t met them yet) because I read their blogs. I guess mom was finally intrigued enough about the whole blog thing and asked my sister. The rest is history.

Anyone else’s family members read their blogs?

On Thursday night I attended SpeedDating. I know what you’re thinking…again?! However, this time it was a last minute decision (read: I signed up the night before) and it was through a Jewish organization that has been around for quite a while. In fact, I believe they are the ones who started the whole speeddating trend. Anyway, I didn’t want to post about it at first due to my not-so-great experience at the last one. But…out of the nine “seven-minute-dates” I went on, there were two men I said yes to. And…both of those men apparently also said yes to me. (I got my “matches” yesterday via email.) And…SpeedDating Guy #1 (SDG1) already called and left a message today.

Details to follow, I promise.